The Quadruple Quagmire
by Outlaw Volunteer
Summary: The transition from child to adult is never easy. Volunteers are dying, villains are getting stronger... The Baudelaires pick up where their parents left off in V.F.D., and they must do WHATEVER it takes to ensure the world stays quiet. And if they fail? You don't want to know. (Ever-so-slight crossover with The Legend of Zelda. You don't need to be familiar with TLOZ to read. ;) )
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** **Shoutout to** ** _all_** **my awesome reviewers and readers of the old TQQ (July 2015-Early February 2017). I'm** ** _horribly_** **sorry I put you through such a cringe-worthy monstrosity. Don't know what the** ** _hell_** **I was thinking making it so OOC, unrealistic, and full of OCs that truly had no purpose being in it (as I look back on it now). I hope you enjoy this new version-hopefully it's in character and more realistic this time. No more OCs, no one being a bitch just because I hate the character(s), etc., etc.. This time around, it'll be fair to all...it'll still have conflict, but it won't be ludicrously exaggerated like last time. I promise, this time around, it'll be** ** _way_** **better...story, characters, everything. Enjoy TQQ 2.0! ^_^ ...PS: If you have any spare brain bleach, please send it my way. I need to go sit in the corner and think about what I've done. T_T**

 **Disclaimer:** **Me no own ASOUE or TLOZ. Just a crazy fangirl. ;) \m/**

 ** _WARNING! RATED T FOR:_** ** _DISTURBING & SEXUAL CONTENT, LANGUAGE, AND VIOLENCE_**

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 _ **The Quadruple Quagmire**_

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Chapter 1  
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 _"All I heard was one of the Quagmires calling Violet's name."_

Violet leaned against the mast of the Beatrice with her arms folded, staring numbly out at the setting sun. Some of Kit's final words just wouldn't leave her mind, no matter how many times she tried to evict them for squatting.

 _"Quigley," Sunny said, "or Duncan?"_

 _"I don't know," Kit said._

She closed her eyes with a sigh, bowing her head. It was Quigley. _Quigley_ had called her name. This wasn't even a question–––she _knew_ the answer. She could just picture him scrambling around in the ocean along with the others, the self-sustaining hot air mobile home's baskets crashing down all around them, their homemade waves forcing them under, and water barging by the gallon into their lungs. Deeper he sank…deeper…deeper…

Violet shook the thought out of her head, refusing to believe it. Quigley _had_ to be alive…uh, she meant _they_ had to be alive. She tore her black satin ribbon out of her hair and jammed it in her black dress pocket with a growl. She couldn't invent like this. Inventing was a sanctuary for her from a troubled world, not a prison. How could she solve the world's problems if the world wouldn't leave her alone for a minute?

"Hey…you alright?" an extremely deep voice asked.

Violet looked over her shoulder to find Klaus staring at her. Boy, had he changed. Just three years ago he was this small, scrawny little thing with a geeky face and innocent dark eyes. Now he looked like a ripped model that had just stepped out of Playgirl magazine, brandishing a nice tuft on his chin. Ah, puberty…

"Yeah, I'm fine," Violet said, then stared back out at the sunset.

Klaus walked up and stared with her for a minute. "Y'know we did all we could, right?"

"Klaus, I don't wanna talk about it," Violet said at once, flashing back to the events that had happened last week. They were quiet for a moment. "I failed her," she whispered, shaking her head as tears came to her eyes.

Guilt pulled Klaus's gaze down to the deck. He felt the same way.

"Bemeeto," Sunny said soothingly, tugging on Violet's fishnet stocking, which probably meant something like, "There, there."

Violet looked down at her sadly. She couldn't _imagine_ what she'd do if something happened to one of them.

Behind them, a quiet growl escaped the clouds' lips, but it wasn't until a couple raindrops plopped on their heads that the Baudelaires jumped out of their thoughts and looked at each other worriedly.

"There wasn't a red sky this morning was there?" Klaus asked.

"Not that I know of," Violet replied, then the three turned to face the bow. Up ahead were some of the most formidable storm clouds they'd ever seen, even worse than the ones they and Count Olaf saw before they reached the island. _Oh great_ , she groaned inwardly, her heart sinking. There was nowhere to dock for miles, and although they could swim, she highly doubted they could swim that far for long without becoming shark bait. The Baudelaires looked at each other fearfully.

"There's nowhere to dock…" Klaus whispered hoarsely, the truth finally sinking in. This was it. This was where they were going to be buried for eternity.

Violet swallowed. "I know," she managed to choke. Immediately, she picked Sunny up and the three huddled together at the back of the Beatrice as she sailed fearlessly into the chaos.

The once gentle ocean had become a violent, unpredictable nightmare in a matter of minutes, throwing their ship all about, its unforgiving waves lashing out at the three, knocking them to the floor. Lightning cackled at their sail, which shivered wildly in the wind, haunted at what its opponent's next move would be. But the Beatrice wasn't fazed one bit. Just like their mother, the small ship pressed on, conquering the jagged waves and ignoring the deafening condemnation from above. Suddenly, in a horrifying blur, a big bolt of lightning raced down from the sky and butted heads with the mast. With an earsplitting _CRACK!_ , the mast exploded and chunks of wood ricocheted everywhere, cutting them, their sail now tattered and aflame. The Baudelaires opened their eyes after a moment to find the bow drifting off ahead of them. Puzzled, they looked down to find their half of the boat sinking into the ocean's dark depths.

"Oh boy," Klaus uttered, his eyes wide.

Violet scrambled up off the deck and set Sunny on her shoulders. "Hang on, Sunny!"

"Selco!" Sunny shrieked, which probably meant something like, "Roger!"

Violet grabbed Klaus's hand and held on tight as their half submerged them into the icy March water. They paddled and kicked as hard as they could, fighting to stay afloat, but it was no use. The water was so raucous that its waves overpowered their paddling and shoved them under. Their eyes and skin burning from the harsh temperature and the salt, they hurried as fast as they could back to the surface. As they paddled, Violet looked to find a huge dark shadow approaching them quickly. Her eyes widening in panic, she paddled and kicked harder, harder than she ever had in her life. _Almost there_ … she thought, her vision blurring more.

Suddenly, everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** **Me no own ASOUE or TLOZ. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep. T_T**

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Violet coughed, opening her eyes. Black. Everything was black. She blinked, looking around. Where was she? Was this what people saw when they died, black?

"Klaus? Sunny?" she croaked.

She was greeted by two other fits of coughing on her left. "Violet?" Klaus wheezed, looking in her direction. "You alright?"

"Yeah, are you guys?"

"I'm good. Sunny?"

"Polgammit," Sunny said, which probably meant something like, "I'm fine, how about you two?"

"Good." Her body heavy and achy, Violet heaved herself off the cold slimy floor and picked Sunny up. "Where are we?" she asked, looking around again.

Slowly, Klaus got to his feet. "Don't know. Let's check it out."

"Wait," Violet said, then put Sunny on her shoulders again. "Lemme check to make sure my gun's okay." Strapped to her back this whole time was a long, black, metallic rod with a few scrap metal modifications. Ever since they left the island, she'd been hard at work trying to build a homemade gun for gathering food, and protection of course. They despised the idea of killing people that meant them harm, but they didn't have a choice. _It's them or us,_ she'd told them a couple weeks ago. Violet tilted her invention and watched a river of murky water rush out of the barrel, then after shaking out the remaining drops, she raised it and pulled the trigger. _Pew!_ A bright red laser shot out, illuminating the damp room for a second. "Good, still works," she smiled, relieved. She looked over at Klaus. "Ready?"

"Yeah, let's go."

They started walking… "Oof! Wall," Klaus squeaked, rubbing his head.

Violet felt around for a moment. "No…door. A sliding one. …There's gotta be a console nearby." She began feeling around the frame. "Found it." She ran her fingers along the bumpy surface. "Aww, it's coded."

"What do we do now?" Klaus looked at her.

"Plan B," Violet said, detaching a small device from the end of her gun. She pointed it at the door and held down a button. A long red laser stretched out and pierced through the thick steel, melting it like a hot knife through butter. Slowly, she moved it up, right, down, left, and up again, carving a huge glowing rectangle in the door. She clipped it to her gun again and gave the center of the rectangle a mighty kick. With a long whine, the section she cut out fell flat on the floor and light flooded in, blinding them.

Klaus was the first to open his eyes. "Hallway," he said, puzzled. His sisters opened their eyes, sharing the same puzzlement. It was a beautiful hallway, with well-scrubbed steel walls and regularly vacuumed green carpet. The portholes along the right were squeaky clean, the air smelled fresh…it just looked _welcoming_. The only catch was what made the Baudelaires shiver. There was a very sinister aura hanging in the air. _Very_ sinister. But, why?

"Badfeeming," Sunny said, which probably meant something like, "I got a bad feeling about this…"

"Me too," Klaus agreed.

"It's a submarine hallway," Violet deduced after a moment.

Klaus's eyes lit up. "The Queequeg?" he asked excitedly.

"No. The Queequeg was destroyed, remember?"

"Oh yeah," Klaus's expression saddened.

"Well, until we find out who's on here, let's stay outta sight," Violet sheathed her gun and led them down the hall, making certain to tread lightly. Their legs on autopilot, they racked their brains for answers. What other submarines did they know that were scouting the ocean floor? It couldn't have been the Carmelita, as it could only _dream_ to be this clean. The Queequeg was destroyed by the self-sustaining hot air mobile home's baskets during the aerial battle… Those were the only two they'd encountered. They could only imagine who _this_ sub belonged to.

"Why do _we_ have to look through what the scrapvac sucked in?" a teenage boy complained from around the corner.

The Baudelaires froze, their mouths suddenly dry from fear.

"What do we do?" Klaus whispered frantically.

"I don't know!" Violet whispered back. To their dismay, there were no rooms in the hall they could hide in. She looked up at the ceiling, then grinned. "Gimme a boost!"

"Why?"

"There's a vent we can hide in!"

Klaus formed his hands into a small step and Violet boosted herself up to a huge vent, unclipping her laser from her gun again.

"Why can't _we_ be out hunting the Baudelaires?" the boy continued.

"Oh my God, Tommy, you say that again and I'm gonna hunt _you_ ," another teenage boy snarled.

"But _why_ though? Everybody else gets to go!"

"Probably 'cause they ain't dumb enough to put flour in one of the captain's hairdryers and think it's funny."

"Hey, that was an awesome prank and you know it," Tommy defended. "Thought it might lighten her up a bit."

"Oh really? That was your intention? Well congrats, Tommy, you officially made her the biggest jerk _ever_ ," the other boy grumbled as they rounded the corner. "What the…?"

"It sucked up _something_ alright," Tommy walked up to the section of door lying on the floor. "For a second I almost didn't believe it."

"Aww, what's the matter, Tommy? Don't like being pranked?" the other boy mocked, grinning.

"Shut up, Brent!"

In no time at all, Brent had the scene down like the back of his hand. His eyes stalked the Baudelaires' footprints like the beast he was, then they slowly looked up at the vent in triumph. "They're up in the vents, Tommy, follow me." He started for the vent.

"How many?"

"Two."

"You sure?"

"Uh, _yeah_."

"How do you know?"

"Um…probably 'cause there's two sets of footprints."

"There could be more of 'em."

Brent stopped and looked around at him, his eyebrow cocked at his stupidity. "What?"

"Y'know, they could walk in each other's footsteps, hide their numbers. Like the Sand People."

"Goddamn it, Tommy, this ain't Star Wars!" Brent snapped. "Now shut up and c'mon!"

"Do you think they'll find us?" Klaus whispered. They'd been shuffling along quickly through the cold dark vent long before Tommy and Brent rounded the corner.

"Not if we keep moving," Violet said.

 _CLANG!_

The Baudelaires paused, listening. Up ahead on the right was a huge grate, apparently the source of where the noise came from. Quietly, they crawled up to it and peeked out.

Right below them was a hangar that stretched as far as the eye could see, equally as spotless as the hallway. Lined up perfectly along the wall across from the Baudelaires were a couple hundred of the meanest-looking fighter jets they'd ever seen. Scattered about the floor were about a thousand teenaged kids dressed in white and blue military uniforms, assault rifles at the ready. But it wasn't these things that made the Baudelaires' jaws drop, it was the name of the submarine. Posted high above the hangar in dark red letters, eye to eye with them were the words _The Great Unknown_.

"The Great Unknown," Klaus breathed, unable to believe it himself. He looked back down at the hangar. "Are those…the snow scouts?" he asked, his stomach knotting up at the sight of their guns.

"I think so," Violet glanced at him.

"Wait, if those are the snow scouts, then…" Klaus trailed off, slowly looking at Violet, his eyes filled with horror behind his glasses.

The Baudelaires' gaze fell down to the lower left corner and on the submarine's captain…or rather, _captains_. Their eyes widened.

The man with a beard but no hair glanced at his watch. "Slaves!" he bellowed, the whole hangar ringing. The snow scouts' chatter came to an abrupt halt and their orange, snowboard-goggled eyes landed on him. "Is everyone here?"

"Yes, sir!" the snow scouts cried.

"Better be," the man with a beard but no hair growled, then took a long drag off his cigar. "You know your objective. And remember, we want them _alive,_ so don't be _too_ trigger-happy."

"But, if you _do_ find them and they're dead, that works just as well," the woman with hair but no beard added, folding her arms.

"Either way, bring them to us. And don't forget page thirteen of the Snicket file! Olaf said on Mount Fraught that the older two have it. Move out!"

"Yes, sir!" the snow scouts saluted, then scrambled off to their assigned fighter jets.

Klaus shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe they actually joined those two."

"Me neither," Violet agreed. "But then again, they _did_ threaten to burn their houses down if they didn't join. Remember?"

"Oh yeah," Klaus smirked sadly.

"Sir!" A snow scout emerged from the elevator, hurrying up to the man with a beard but no hair.

"What, corporal?" the man with a beard but no hair snarled, the two of them turning to look at the boy.

"Volunteers _still_ won't talk," the snow scout said, a pang of shame in his heart.

The man with a beard but no hair's eyes narrowed. " _Still?_ "

"I don't know what else to do, sir," the snow scout shrugged. "They're so demented they can't even answer a question, let alone focus."

The man with a beard but no hair and the woman with hair but no beard shared a chilling, satisfied smile, then the man with a beard but no hair leaned forward, his face inches from the scout's. "Do I have to do _everything_ around here?" he growled darkly.

"N-no, sir. We'll try harder." The snow scout turned and hurried back to the elevator.

"Volunteers…?" Violet looked at Klaus. "Wait a minute, didn't Kit say the Quagmires and the others were taken by The Great Unknown?"

Klaus's eyes lit up. "You're right! C'mon, let's go save 'em!"

Violet nodded and they began shuffling down the vent again. "We gotta find the brig."

"How're we supposed to find it without being detected?" Klaus asked as they took a left. His body was beginning to get a little stiff from all the crawling.

"Guess we'll be crawlin' for awhile," Violet sighed, taking a right.

The Baudelaires pressed on, zigzagging through the labyrinth of darkness, peering down through every vent they came across for any signs of pain and suffering. Ten minutes went by…half an hour…forty-five minutes…still no brig. Pretty much every vent they came across was rendered helpless. Except for one that they heard snow scouts counting in unison and one that they heard two snow scouts discussing their plans for next week, all the other vents plead the fifth.

"How big _is_ this thing?" Klaus asked, growing impatient.

"Don't know. Don't got a map," Violet shrugged, desperately wishing that Quigley was here to be their tour guide. They were coming up to another vent, only this one was different. Unlike all the other vents that let light in, this vent had an eerie red glow.

"Fishy," Sunny said, which probably meant something like, "That's odd. Why's this vent red but not the others?"

"Yeah, that _is_ fishy," Klaus agreed. "Let's check it out."

Violet crawled on ahead to get on the other side of the vent to listen, but as soon as her hand touched the grate, it caved and sent her and Sunny crashing to the floor.

" _GAAAAAAAAAAH! GET AWAY FROM MEEEE!_ " a delirious voice wailed loudly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** **Y'know, with as epic as these two franchises are, I** _ **wish**_ **I owned 'em both. …But alas, me no own. :( *sad sigh***

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"GET AWAAAAAY!" the voice implored fearfully, the lively jingling of chains begging along with it.

Sunny began to whimper apprehensively, clutching her older sister's head tighter. Violet scrambled off the floor and whipped out her gun, her eyes darting frantically around the room she and her sister had fallen into. Its features brought to life by a bright red bulb, the room was decent in area, but suffocating in energy. The floor and walls were painted with hundreds of Rorschach-like bloodstains and every breath she breathed in smelled of iron and fear. But it wasn't this that had her attention. It was the cries coming from the far right corner of the room. Shackled to the wall by big bulky chains was a boy about her age thrashing all around wildly, his eyes blackened, his clothes tattered, and his face smeared with blood.

"GET AWAY FROM MEEEEEE!" the boy screamed, continuing to go berserk.

Stunned, Violet thought hard of what to say to calm him down. "I didn't realize this was a sad occasion," she tried in a loud enough whisper.

The boy stopped thrashing and looked at her. Violet shivered. Never had she seen someone's eyes so wide with terror, with vulnerability…and the red glow of the room only amplified the chilling factor. The boy blinked at her, shrinking back into the corner. "Th…th…" he managed to stutter. "Th…th-the world is…is…is quiet here."

Violet smiled warmly at him, lowering her gun. "Don't worry, I'm here to rescue you."

The boy blinked at her for awhile. "Wh…wh…who…who are you?"

"I'm Violet Baudelaire."

Immediately, the boy shot to his feet, his eyes now wide with surprise. "…V…Violet? I…is it…is it really you?"

"Mm hm," Violet nodded.

The boy blinked again, unable to believe his ears.

Violet squinted, trying to get a good look at his face. His puffy eyes made it difficult to identify him. "Are you…?"

"D-Duncan!" the boy answered. "It's me…Duncan!"

Violet's eyes widened. "Duncan…?" she breathed, her heart swelling. She sheathed her gun and hurried over to him.

"V-Violet!" Duncan squeaked, latching onto her tightly. "Y…y…y…you're okay…"

"Sunny!" Sunny shrieked, which probably meant something like, "And Sunny!"

"Sunny…?" Duncan looked up at the baby atop Violet's shoulders. "Y…you're okay, too?"

"Duncan?" Klaus peeked his head out of the vent to see the action for himself.

"K-Klaus…? Y…You're _all_ okay…!"

"Yeah. We're here to rescue you," Violet said, looking deep into his eyes and smiling.

Duncan blinked at her for a moment, then finally smiled. No words could adequately describe how he felt right then. "I-Isadora…Quigley…" he choked out, his look serious again.

"Where are they?" Violet asked determinedly.

Duncan stuttered. "T…t…torture room…"

"Where?"

"Uh…uh…I don't…I don't know," he admitted, shaking his head. "T…t…torture room…"

"Don't worry, Duncan. We'll find them," Violet assured him, gripping his shoulders. "We're not leaving here without all three of you."

Duncan blinked at her, then finally nodded.

Violet looked up at Sunny. "Sunny, do you mind staying with Duncan while Klaus and I go get Quigley and Isadora?"

"Selco!" Sunny shrieked with a salute, which probably meant something like, "Roger!"

"And don't be afraid to bite anyone who walks through that door," Violet added.

"Selco!" Sunny shrieked again.

Violet lifted Sunny off of her shoulders and set her down on the floor inches from Duncan. "We'll be right back." She bent down and kissed her forehead before heading back over to the vent.

"Well?" Klaus asked, peering down at her inquisitively.

"Duncan's alright, but we need to find Quigley and Isadora," Violet reported, looking up at him. "Duncan said they're in a torture room."

"Which one?"

"He doesn't know," Violet shrugged. "Guess we're gonna have to crawl around until we find them."

"Not a problem." Klaus extended his hand down to her and pulled her back inside.

"I don't _wanna_ do this, but we have to split up," Violet said quietly, leaning in. "We're more likely to find them if we do. When we _do_ find them, bring them back here so we can get Duncan and Sunny and find a way off here."

"Understood," Klaus said with a nod.

"Remember, stay outta sight. We can't afford to be discovered." And with that, Violet turned and crawled into the darkness. Klaus watched her disappear, wondering if this would be the last time he'd ever see her. All of her plans were brilliant, but it never failed that something would try to worm its way in and ruin it. The only thing he could do was to pray that this would work and that the six of them would make it off The Great Unknown safely. With a hopeful sigh, he turned and crawled back down the way they came.

Violet crawled on blindly, keeping her ears peeled for any clues to Quigley or Isadora's whereabouts. _Ohh, Quigley,_ please _be okay,_ she thought anxiously, coming up to another vent.

"C'mon, hurry up or we'll miss it!" a snow scout squealed, flying down the hall.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" another snow scout panted, jogging after him. "God I hate running…"

Suddenly, Violet's heart tightened. _Go!_ _Follow them!_ something echoed in her head. Without question, she tore down the vent at an impressive speed, leaving her logic in the dust to fend for itself. She stalked the two through a series of zigzags before stopping at a door a few minutes later. Violet watched them go inside, then with a puzzled frown, she took a right and hurried up to the next vent.

The room below was a carbon copy of the room that held Duncan, only this room reeked with iron, fear, and…something else, but it was too faint to identify.

"Is everybody here?" a snow scout snapped impatiently. "'Cause I ain't stopping for _no one_!"

Violet heard mumbling from right under her. "Jeff ain't here," another snow scout said.

"Jeff's on a mission with Gabe," a third snow scout told him. "They left an hour ago."

"Oh…well, never mind then. We're all here."

Violet lowered her face as close to the vent as she could without touching it, but as if sensing her presence, it gave in and crashed down on a different snow scout.

"Oww!" He glared up at the vent, rubbing his head. "Goddamn it, Logan! When are you guys gonna fix the vents? Third one that fell on me this week!" he barked at the second snow scout to speak.

"I can't. Jeff ain't here to help me," Logan protested.

"Jeff's been here all _week_! If you guys would spend as much time doing your jobs as you do masturbating, we wouldn't _have_ this problem!"

"Hey, Maiden's a babe under all that armor!" Logan countered furiously.

" _Hey!_ Shut the hell up or you'll join him!" the first snow scout barked, then turned to the back wall. "You ready for your bath, orphan?" he asked with a sickening smile.

Panicked stuttering started up from the back of the room, and unfortunately for Violet, she couldn't get a view of the subject of conversation.

"Aw, don't be scared. It's just a bath," the first snow scout cooed, stalking over to his captive. "If we don't clean up those cuts, they'll get infected. And I don't wanna catch what you got."

"Actually, you can't catch anything from–––"

"Shut up, Logan! C'mere, you…" The first snow scout came back into view with the stutterer, and Violet's mouth fell open in horror.

"Quigley!?" she gasped breathlessly, her eyes bulging.

It was, and if it weren't for that burgundy sweatshirt, she would've never recognized him. His short dark hair was matted in all different directions by sweat and blood, every inch of his bare skin was scarred, his clothes were tattered and soaked with blood, and his eyes were so red that Violet couldn't tell if it was due to a lack of sleep or crying. This was _definitely_ not the boy she'd met in the Mortmain Mountains. Her breath quickened, her blood beginning to boil as she carefully took out her gun.

"V…V…Violet!" Quigley managed to squeak, shaking violently. "Violet! …V-Violet, help meeee…!"

"Who's Violet?" the third snow scout asked. "That's all he ever says."

"The only Violet I know is Violet Frish in the special ops force," a fourth snow scout said with a shrug. "But I highly doubt that's the one he's talking about."

Violet felt her heart shatter on the floor below her, tears welling up in her eyes. Paralyzed by his pleas, she watched helplessly as the first snow scout began to undress him. _There's gotta be_ something _I can do to get him outta here without being detected,_ she thought frantically, then she set her gun down and pulled out her ribbon.

"There we go." The first snow scout grabbed Quigley's carved neck and led him to the center of the room where two shackles were dangling from the ceiling. He clicked them around his wrists and walked over to a bucket in the far right corner.

"Man…and I thought _I_ was small," the fourth snow scout said, and the others burst out laughing.

Quigley stopped stuttering and scowled up at him, blushing. "Yeah? Well at least my head's not small like yours!" he retorted, hoping to sound tougher than he felt.

"Um, yeah it is. Look at it," the fourth snow scout replied with a wisecracking crooked grin.

"I meant the one on your shoulders," Quigley clarified with a smirk. "Why are you looking at my crotch anyway? I'm not into you."

The other snow scouts let out a long, unanimous "Ooooooooh," and the fourth snow scout shut right up with a vindictive glare, his face reddening. "Give him his bath, Max," he growled sadistically.

"I am, don't get your panties in a knot, Ray the Gay," the first snow scout replied coolly, staggering back over to Quigley with a big bucket of murky water. The snow scouts howled again with laughter. "Alright, orphan, here we go." Carefully, he heaved the bucket up and poured it slowly on Quigley's right shoulder.

Quigley squeezed his eyes shut, wincing terribly. "Gaaaaaah!" he screamed, the cold water seeping deep into his cuts, burning something fierce.

Max emptied the bucket, tossed it to the side, and took a wire-brush out of his pocket. "Alright, let's rub in that disinfectant." He began scrubbing Quigley's scarred right arm, and immediately he began to wail in agony, feeling as if the snow scout was dragging a sharp knife up and down it.

This "bath" continued for the better part of the next five minutes, Max making sure to scrub every part of Quigley's starved, naked body diligently. Tears slid down Quigley's blood-smeared face as he begged them relentlessly to stop, positive that there was no skin left on his bones for him to scrub.

"All done." Max stood up and shoved the brush back in his pocket, admiring his handiwork. Quigley struggled with each breath, feeling as if an elephant were sitting on his chest. His vision began to blur as he looked down at his body, every inch of it raw and bloody, like he was an animal hanging in a slaughterhouse. With everything in him, he lifted his head and looked around, desperate for a towel. "Let's dry you off." Max stepped back and began digging around in his back pocket.

Violet squinted at him, wondering what he was doing. Even from up in the vent she could see that his pocket was too small for a towel, even a small one. Eventually, Max took out a tiny stick and bent down, swiping it against the floor. There was a bright flash, and a tiny flickering light appeared on the tip as Max stood back up, this time with a blood-chilling smile. Quigley's eyes bulged, his whimpering starting up again, this time more fearfully. Violet squinted some more, trying to figure out what was going on, but when she did, her heart sank.

" _Nooooo!_ " she screamed, mortified as she blasted Max in the neck. He lurched and flopped to the floor like a fish, the stick flying out of his hand and landing inches from Quigley's feet.

"Huh?" The snow scouts jumped in surprise and looked around wildly with Quigley, wondering where the shot came from. Violet felt her mind go numb. Her first kill…her first victim…and this time, it was _entirely_ her fault. She blinked, trying to process what she'd just done, but then she realized there was no time. She could rationalize later. For now, she had to rescue her beloved and his siblings.

Quigley and the snow scouts looked up in the vent. "V-Violet?" Quigley breathed, his eyes lighting up.

"Quigley!" Violet said excitedly.

A grin came to Quigley's face for the first time in a long time. His angel was here to save him…he couldn't believe it. He was actually going to escape this wretched place by the might of her inventions.

"Who're you?" Logan asked, baffled.

Violet took a deep breath and looked him in the eye valiantly. " _I'm_ Violet," she growled, then she blasted him in the chest.

"Violet…Violet, help!" Quigley managed to shout weakly. "Help me!"

"Shut up and dry off, orphan!" Ray barked, firing a few shots at the puddle at Quigley's feet. There was a huge flash, and with a _whoosh!_ Quigley erupted into a glowing ball of fire, screaming so loud that even banshees had to cover their ears.

" _VIOLEEEEEEEET!_ " he wailed, the horror on his face torturing Violet's sanity.

" _NOOOOOOO!_ " Violet shot the remaining snow scouts as fast as she could, then she scrambled out of the vent and looked all around for something to put him out. " _Hang on, Quigley!_ " Sheathing her gun, she booked it over to a fire extinguisher hanging on the wall.

" _VIOLEEEEEEEET!_ " Quigley screamed again, his throat and lungs sizzling like a burger on a grill.

 _FSSSSSSSSSSH!_ The flames transmogrified into a thick cloud of steam a moment later, and through the haze, Violet could see that he'd now become a frightening hunk of meat, so frightening that it made a zombie look like a model.

"Quigley!" Violet dropped the fire extinguisher and hurried over to him.

Quigley slowly looked up at her, his dark eyes wide with shock. "V…V…Viol…" he wheezed faintly, his eyes growing weary.

" _Quigley!_ " Violet cried as he went limp. Immediately, her hand shot to his oozy, prune-like neck, feeling for any signs of life. A faint, faint pulse throbbed against her fingers and a relieved smile came to her face. "Don't worry, Quigley, I'll get you outta here. I promise."

* * *

 _/_

* * *

Klaus took a right and kept crawling. _Maybe_ this _is the way,_ he thought. He didn't know. For the last ten minutes he'd done nothing but randomly pick directions. In fact, he'd picked such random directions that he was positive he wasn't in the brig anymore. He was about to turn around and retrace his steps when he heard an ear-piercing scream that made him cringe. And it was close.

Brow furrowed in curiosity, Klaus hurried up to a big vent to settle it. Beneath him was a bright white room with a spotless white tiled floor. Against the wall was a light gray counter with white cupboards, jars of cotton balls and tongue depressors perfectly aligned on top. And scattered about the counter was a vast variety of bloody surgical tools that made him shudder, some he'd never seen before, some he didn't even _want_ to know what they were for.

Another terrorized cry from below startled Klaus back into reality, and he looked around the room, wondering where the scream came from. When his eyes landed on the center of the room, they widened.

Standing tall beside a metal, dentist-like chair, clad in snow white, metallic armor was someone who meant business, someone almost as heartless as the man with a beard but no hair and the woman with hair but no beard themselves. Someone who brutally plunged the scariest of knives into the frail, starved body in the chair without hesitation. But it wasn't the armored one who has Klaus scared. It was the one in the chair. Bound by her bloodied hands and feet by metal cuffs was Isadora.

"Where…are…they?" the armored one hissed darkly, their face inches away from Isadora's, their gleaming red eyes blazing into her frightened dark ones.

Shaking, Isadora let out a quivery whimper, no words brave enough to come forth. Klaus shook his head in disbelief, tears coming to his eyes. Beaten, burned, clothes tattered, hair a tangled mess, at least three dozen knives stabbed into different parts of her body…how she was still alive astonished him. And he thought her and Duncan trapped in the elevator shaft was bad.

The armored one's eyes narrowed, then they pressed a button on their wrist and it transformed into a chainsaw. "Answer me!" they yelled.

Isadora screamed, the horror on her blood-smeared face making Klaus's spine rattle. A fit of gibberish flowed from her mouth in an attempt to answer them.

"Alright," the armored one said calmly and revved the chainsaw. "Amputation it is."

" _GAAAAAAAAAAAH!_ " Isadora wailed, squirming around wildly as the armored one held down the trigger and brought the chainsaw's whirring blade down on her left leg.

Klaus flinched, cringing as he watched the blade do its dastardly deed, blood flying everywhere along with hunks of flesh. There was nothing he could do to save her without being detected. He squeezed his eyes shut and prepared for the worst.

"Metal Maiden!" came a voice from the armored one's wrist. "Maiden, come in!"

The armored one groaned and stopped mutilating Isadora's femur, much to her relief. "What, sergeant? I'm busy!" they snapped impatiently into a machine on their right wrist.

"We need your help! Prisoner One has escaped and we don't know where he went."

"Why can't you guys look for him?"

"Because our radars are down, ma'am," the sergeant replied. "It's funny, they were just working an hour ago. Don't know what happened."

Metal Maiden growled viciously. "Fine." She glared down at Isadora. "You're _lucky_ I got a call," she snarled, seizing her scarred throat. "You'd better have an answer for me when I get back, or I swear that leg's coming off!" She retracted her chainsaw and stomped out of the room.

Her heavy breathing deafening in her ears, Isadora lie back in the chair and stared at the ceiling. Her leg felt like it was on fire, but the rest of her body felt surprisingly numb, the little blood she had left in her trickling out of her arms…feet…legs. _Please God, make it stop,_ she begged silently, her head throbbing. _I'll do anything, please, just make it stop! I can't do this anymore!  
_

 _CLANG!_

With a startled shriek, Isadora shot up, looking around warily. Was Metal Maiden back _already_? She didn't even have time to write her will!

 _CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!_

Isadora looked up at the grate to find it rattling. " _DUNCAAAAAAN! QUIGLEEEEEEY!_ " she screamed psychotically. " _HELP MEEEEEEEEEE!_ "

 _CLANG_ _…CRASH!_ The grate slammed on the floor, Klaus jumping down after it.

" _GAAAAAAAAAAAH! GET AWAY FROM ME! GET AWAAAAAAY!_ " Isadora pleaded, thrashing around again.

"Isadora!" Klaus whispered just loud enough.

Whimpering, Isadora looked up at him, her eyes wider than Aunt Josephine's library window.

"Isadora, it's me, Klaus," Klaus whispered, his eyes soft.

Isadora blinked. "K…Klaus…?" she breathed, unable to believe her eyes. "…Klaus…!?"

"Isadora!" Klaus darted up to the chair. He smiled down at her.

Isadora's eyes lit up for the first time in a year. "Klaus!" she squealed, grinning.

"Hang on, I'm gonna get you outta here."

Isadora kept grinning, a blush creeping into her cheeks. Her Greek god was here to save her. She was positive that she'd never get to see his handsome face again.

Suddenly, an alarm started blaring and red lights began flashing up above. "Alert! Prisoner One has escaped! Lock down all rooms and consoles! Do _not_ let him leave this sub! McTaggart, Hopley, secure Prisoners Two and Three until he's been caught!"

Klaus's heart tightened as he and Isadora looked at each other worriedly. His worst fear had just been confirmed. Just then, multiple loud clicks came from behind, and he looked over his shoulder to find that the door had locked itself. Frantically, he looked around the room for anything he could stack to get them back up in the vent. Nothing. _Nothing_ in the room was big enough to give them a boost. Klaus swallowed as he looked back down at Isadora. They were trapped.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** **I don't own ASOUE blah blah blah, I don't own TLOZ blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda…insert more legal stuff here.**

* * *

 _ **=======  
Chapter 4  
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* * *

"C'mon, we gotta get outta here," Klaus said, running to the console against the back wall.

"C…can't…" Isadora managed to squeak, shaking her head. "Lock-down…"

"I can't override it?" Klaus asked.

"N…No…"

Klaus scowled at the console. If only he had Violet's laser attachment…

"This room is on lock-down. Please provide proper clearance," a robotic voice insisted just outside the room.

Gasping, Isadora looked over at the door, her eyes wide with fear again. "H…Hide!"

Beginning to sweat, Klaus quickly snagged a fixed-blade knife off the counter and bolted over to the tall supply cabinet across the room.

"Access granted." The door slid open and in came a tall, muscular snow scout, looking like he'd rather eat dirt than be doing _this_ of all things. But when his scowl landed on Isadora, the storm cloud over his head dissipated and his eyes began to shine as if he were a wolf hiding among a herd of sheep.

"Izzy!" he said with a dangerous grin, stalking over to the chair. "Haven't seen _you_ in awhile…"

Isadora began to shiver, the color in her face draining. That voice…that voice, it…no…it couldn't be…not _him_!

"Ohhh," the snow scout groaned. "What'd she do to you _this_ time?"

All that came out of Isadora's mouth was a terrified whimper.

"Thought I told her to leave you alone," the snow scout grumbled, then he reached forward and to began to rip the knives out of her like they were crabgrass in a garden. A couple minutes went by, her pained cries setting Klaus's sanity aflame as he daringly pushed the supply closet door open a crack. He watched as the snow scout yanked out the last knife in her body, tossed it on the floor like the caveman he was, and jumped on top of her. "I missed you," he whispered huskily with a wild, psychopathic stare, his whiskey-soaked breath tickling her lips.

Isadora wrinkled her nose, the 90 proof creeping up her nostrils and slaying her remaining olfactory senses. She felt something began to push snugly against her crotch, and it didn't take her long to realize with horror what it was.

"Haven't got my rocks off since the captains sent me to the Mortmain Mountains to look for that stupid sugar bowl," the snow scout carried on, stroking Isadora's cheek with his thumb. "They could use some lovin'."

Isadora just blinked at him. She didn't know what to say. There was nothing _to_ say that would make him change his mind. She looked off to the side, defeated, preparing herself for another sore night and another floor-ridden day.

"Maybe _this_ time you'll actually give me a son," the snow scout said, a sinister growl masquerading as a sultry purr.

Isadora whimpered again, biting her cracked lip. Fantastic–––he _still_ wasn't over it. This was going to be good…

Suddenly, a blade sprung forward from the snow scout's neck and panicked gagging filled the air, specks of blood splattering all over her bruised neck. Isadora jumped in surprise, shrinking back in the chair as far as she could when the snow scout toppled off her onto the blanket of knives, blood dribbling off his chin like the psychotic, demon baby he was. She looked up to find Klaus hovering over her, the blade in his hand soaked with blood, his face stricken with anxiety. Did he just…no…he didn't just…prove those _Daily Punctilio_ articles _true_ …did he? He blinked. There were _no_ words in his vast vocabulary to describe what he felt at the moment. Absolutely _none_. …But, it was _justified_ …wasn't it? He wasn't a bad guy… The snow scout was going to rape her and he was just trying to protect her. This demise didn't reek of malice, of pure hatred…it reeked of love, a desire to protect all that was still good in this world…didn't it?

Klaus looked up at Isadora, his heart burning, but not from anger: guilt. Right before her eyes he'd committed his first real murder. What would she think of him? Had all this time away from the Quagmires turned them into monsters? Brutal savages? Since their separation, they'd burnt down a hospital, a carnival, and a hotel, killing many innocents in the process. People who had families, aspirations to be doctors, lawyers, or morticians…people who wanted to live their lives to the fullest… And they took that all away… Maybe the town of V.F.D. was right: maybe they _should've_ been burned at the stake.

Isadora started stuttering as Klaus looked down at the snow scout, ashamed…but not for long. There, on his belt, was their ticket out of here. He tossed his knife on the ground, snatched the snow scout's I.D. card, and hurried over to the console again. He held up the card in front of a red light, and with a _beep!,_ Klaus was logged in to the one room's network. After some thoughtful guessing, the cuffs sprang apart and Isadora sat up, her head throbbing. She looked over at Klaus, who pocketed the I.D. card and made his way back over to her, smiling. She reciprocated, her heart beginning to flutter. _Wow,_ she thought, blushing. _And I thought he was hot at_ Prufrock…

"You okay?" Klaus breathed, surprised he was still up and talking after committing the unthinkable.

Isadora blinked, her throat swelling shut, but not with fear…with an emotion she hadn't felt since Prufrock Prepatory School. One she never thought she'd feel again, her favorite emotion to get drunk on. The only gasoline that fueled her soul since they escaped the Village of Fowl Devotees: love.

"Isadora?" Klaus's eyebrows rose in concern.

"Uh…uh…" Isadora managed to choke. She looked deep inside to find a sign hanging on her voice-box that read _Out of Order_ , and instantly she began to panic. She _had_ to answer him, she just had to. She couldn't look like an idiot in front of _him_! That would be the _worst_ way to go! …Well, aside from fire anyway. Mustering up every ounce of strength she had left in her, she forced her head up and down a few times. Thank God for nonverbal cues.

To her relief, he smiled. "Can you walk?"

"T…T…Try," she squeaked.

"Alright," Klaus nodded. "If you get too weak, let me know–––I'll carry you."

Isadora's eyes widened, her heart now in free-fall. "C-Carry…?" she repeated, almost dreamily.

"Mm hm. Only if you want me to."

Isadora blinked. This _had_ to be a dream. "I…I might…need…a little…a _little_ help," she admitted weakly, but part of it _was_ true: her body ached worse than the time she ran all those laps at Prufrock and her head felt like it took a blow from a sledgehammer.

"Not a problem," Klaus smiled. "Let's get outta here." He extended his hand and Isadora latched on to it. So warm, so strong…she let out a shaky sigh. She'd almost forgotten what it felt like. A sense of safety spread throughout her body, a side-effect of the most natural medicine in the world. And it was then, she realized, everything was going to be alright. The Baudelaires had gotten them out of sticky situations before…this would be no different.

Carefully, Klaus pulled Isadora off the chair onto the floor. She looked up into his eyes, a dazed smile brightening her bloodied face. He'd grown, too, and not just in muscle. Excited by Mother Nature's modifications, Isadora stared at him. What was he, six four, six five? If only they were in Mrs. Bass's class…that would be the only object she'd actually _enjoy_ measuring.

"Hang on. Lemme get a step-stool–––vent's higher than I thought." Klaus released her hand and grabbed the snow scout, dragging him effortlessly to the foot of the chair. He fluffed the corpse up, making sure his foundation was as sturdy as possible, placed the vent cover on the snow scout's head, and looked up at Isadora with a coaxing smile. "Ready?"

Isadora nodded and began staggering toward him. The pressure of her torso on her left leg was unbearable, but not as unbearable as the pain she'd receive if she stayed. She grabbed his hand again and with all her might stepped up on the snow scout's back. Klaus flashed her a brief smile before scooping her up in his arms and raising her up to the vent.

"Can you pull yourself up?" Klaus looked up at her.

Gripping the edge as tightly as she could, Isadora pulled. "Higher…" she panted heavily.

Klaus lifted her higher, her feet now level with his face. "How 'bout now?"

Isadora pulled, harder this time, reminding every part of her body that if she didn't make it into the vent, she'd never see his face again…that she'd never get to hold his hand again. She struggled for a minute, but to both of their relief, she finally managed to pull herself inside, collapsing on the cold metal shortly after, wheezing like a fish out of water.

In one fluid motion, Klaus sprung up, grabbed the edge, and pulled himself inside right behind her. He looked down at her, beaming at their success to get out of the torture room, but soon his smile faded. Isadora continued to wheeze, every breath burning like fire. Klaus blinked, his heart sinking. She was weaker than she claimed to be. "Here," he offered in a whisper, pulling her onto his back. "I'll carry you."

"Th…Thank you…" Isadora managed to breathe.

Klaus shuffled along quickly, retracing his steps back to the cell Duncan and Sunny were in. " _Please_ be okay, Violet," he prayed under his breath. _"Please_ be okay." He crawled on blindly, shivering in the vents' icy embrace, his heart thumping almost as loud as the snow scouts as they raced down the halls in an effort to find Violet and Quigley. But through all the commotion, he could hear Isadora's faint, wheezy breathing, and it was enough motivation for him to double time it.

Suddenly, he crashed headfirst into another being and his heart stopped. This was it–––they were cooked. Klaus squeezed his eyes shut and prepared for the worst…

"Ow! Klaus?" came a pained whisper.

Klaus's eyes lit up. "Violet?" he whispered back excitedly.

"Oh thank God, it _is_ you," Violet breathed, a relieved smile spreading across her face. "I got Quigley, Duncan, and Sunny right here. Did you find Isadora?"

"Yep, she's on my back," Klaus glanced over his shoulder at Isadora, who weakly lifted her head to see what was going on.

"How is she?" Violet asked, concerned.

"Good, but tired. She's too weak to crawl on her own."

"W…Who…?" Isadora squeaked.

"Isadora? It's me, Violet," Violet smiled at her. "Don't worry, I got Duncan and Quigley with me. We're gonna get you guys outta here, I promise."

"V…Violet…?" Isadora blinked.

"I…Isadora?" Duncan's ears perked up. "Isadora?!"

"Duncan…" Isadora lie her head back down on Klaus's back, her head beginning to split.

"She's right here, Duncan. I got her," Klaus assured him with a nod. He looked at Violet questioningly. "So how do we get off here?"

Violet closed her eyes, thinking. "I'm not sure what model this submarine is, but it's bound to have _some_ kind of escape pod in case of an emergency."

"Where do you think it is?" Klaus asked.

Violet sighed, embarrassed. "I don't know," she admitted.

"We could use one of the seajets we saw earlier," Klaus suggested.

"Those only hold two. And even if you and I drive, Sunny's too small and Duncan's too weak to fly theirs."

Klaus pursed his lips, thinking. "Guess we'll have to crawl around until we find them, then," he said with a shrug. "That's our only option right now."

Violet took a deep breath, the burden of being the oldest weighing down on her heavier than before. Not only did she have to get Klaus and Sunny out of there alive, but Quigley, Duncan, and Isadora as well. And if that was their only option and it failed… "Alright," she sighed, her heart pounding in her throat. "Let's go." She shuffled past him down the vent, Quigley whimpering on her back, Duncan following behind sloppily, Sunny perched atop his shoulders.

"Kashfah," Sunny whispered as she and Duncan passed by, which probably meant something like, "I hope this works."

"Me too," Klaus agreed, then turned and followed the escapee parade.

Quigley moaned, wincing. Violet flinched at his agony, desperately wishing she could erase all that she'd seen today. The oxygen mask she'd procured for him could only do so much…and even _if_ they managed to escape The Great Unknown by some crazy miracle, would she be able to save him from the Grim Reaper? He didn't hesitate to take her parents, Uncle Monty, and Aunt Josephine–––she highly doubted he'd hesitate to take Quigley. Just then, Violet's eyes hardened, anger beginning to pump hot and fast through her veins. No… He'd taken _more_ than his fair share of her life, and it was over her dead body that he'd take Quigley… _her_ Quigley. She kicked it into high-gear, chugging along as fast as she could, triple-checking for any signs of obstruction at every vent she came across.

"Well, well, what have we here?" a voice sneered from just down the vent.

Klaus and Duncan screeched to a halt, their hearts following suit as Violet cringed, a bright light suddenly frying her eyes.

"Told you they were in the vents, Tommy," Brent smiled hungrily at his prey, basking in the glory of his suspicions being correct.

Tommy peeked around his superior. "Oh…guess you _were_ right," he said quietly, embarrassed.

Eyes adjusting to the light, Violet could see Brent grabbing something on his shoulder. "Command, I've found 'em. In the vents, sector B, hall four. Two–––no… _six_ of 'em…!?"

" _See?_ " Tommy piped up, nudging him. "Just like the Sand People!"

Brent glared around at him with a malicious growl, then hurried up to them steadfastly. "Don't you move!"

Duncan let out an eerie, wavering whimper, squeezing his eyes shut. So close…they were _so_ _close_! _  
_

 _Pew-p_ _ew!_ Two red lasers shot forward and blasted Brent and Tommy right in the chest. They fumbled to the ground, silent, and Violet felt tears coming to her eyes. She couldn't believe it–––she did it _again_ …and right in front of _everybody_ this time. She shook her head in disbelief. This _had_ to be a dream. She'd _never_ do such a thing in the real world…would she? …No, no! This was _self-defense_ , not murder! She wasn't a wicked person…was she? She snapped out of her trance, sheathed her gun, and resumed their escape, internally questioning her identity along the way.

They shuffled along some more, probably for another ten minutes or so, before Klaus spoke up. "Violet, see anything?"

Violet shook her head, her heart sinking. "No, nothing. It's hard to find _anything_ up here." She closed her eyes, thinking hard. "Maybe we should get out of the vents–––that should make the search easier." Her eyes widened. Did she really just say that? Maybe that second shooting scrambled her brain more than she thought.

Klaus flinched, equally baffled by her suggestion. "You sure? The submarine's on lock-down and everybody's looking for us," he pointed out. "Won't that just make it harder?"

Quigley moaned again and Violet about lost it. "Just do it, Klaus!" she ordered testily, unclipping her laser attachment. She cut out the grate, slid it forward, clipped her laser attachment back on her gun, and carefully, _carefully_ , lowered herself and Quigley to the floor. She surveyed their surroundings as the others followed after her. The room they'd landed in was quiet, still, and snow scout-free, to their relief. It was a big room, very similar in appearance to the hangar, except along the far wall were a couple rooms with bunk-beds and handlebars…wait, _handlebars_? Violet squinted harder. On the far side of each room was a pair of handlebars, a console of numerous buttons, and a giant windshield-like window–––

"Jackpot!" Sunny shrieked, and the others needed no translation.

"Escape pods," Violet breathed, unable to believe their luck. "C-C'mon!" She led them to the closest one at a jog, her heart jumping for joy. The six raced inside, shut the door, and prepared for takeoff, Violet and Klaus setting Quigley and Isadora on the bottom bunk of one set and taking the wheel, Duncan and Sunny flopping down on the bottom bunk of the other set.

"Where's the launch button?" Klaus asked tensely, lost among the sea of buttons.

Violet scanned with him for a moment. "Found it." She hit a red button in the center of the console and the pod shot forward into the cold dark ocean like a giant bullet. Violet leaned back in her seat with Klaus, the two of them sharing an ecstatic grin. They'd done it–––they'd actually escaped the belly of the beast. Now to get out of dodge.

"Where are we going?" a voice asked from behind.

Jumping in surprise, Violet, Klaus, Sunny, and Duncan looked to find Metal Maiden leaning against the door.

"Uh-oh," Sunny whimpered.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** **Me no own ASOUE or TLOZ. Lemony Snicket and Nintendo do respectively.  
**

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Chapter 5  
_ =======**

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Violet felt the color drain from her face as she stared into the mysterious cyborg's heartless red eyes. With a fearful yelp, Duncan shot to his feet, seized Sunny, and scurried behind her as Klaus jumped in front of Isadora and Quigley.

"Baudelaires…?" Metal Maiden breathed, flinching. "You three are still _alive_?"

"Yes, we are," Violet answered. "You…sound surprised."

"I _am_ ," Metal Maiden replied tightly. "Rumor had it you three burned up in Hotel Denouement. How did you–––?"

"Survive?" Violet glanced slyly at Klaus. "Magicians _never_ reveal their tricks."

"Ha ha… _very_ funny," Metal Maiden growled, then stood straight up and stalked over to her. Violet swallowed, trying to keep calm. Metal Maiden was now toe-to-toe with her, an impressive six and a half foot tall, one man army. "I'll give you a Hobson's Choice"–––a foot long blade sprung forth from her wrist–––"Either you reveal your trick, or I'll reveal your organs."

Violet flinched, feeling the blade's tip push gently into her throat. Instantly, her eyes darted over to Klaus, and with an ever-so-slight nod at their opposition, he obediently crept behind the mechanical menace.

"Uh…" Violet stuttered. "Well, when we were at Hotel Denouement and it was on fire, we–––"

"Gaaah! Get off me!" Metal Maiden yelled as Klaus tightened his arm around her neck as much as he could. With everything in him he wrestled her to the ground as Violet absentmindedly dashed over to the entrance, thinking of a way to rid them of this nuisance but also get them out of there in one piece. She looked around frantically at her surroundings. One slip up and this would end horribly for _all_ of them. Mistakes would _not_ be tolerated. She closed her eyes and thought hard.

"Sunny! Pull up on the handlebars and hit the gas! Don't stop until I tell you!" she hollered, snagging the large fire extinguisher off the wall. "Quagmires, hang on!"

"Selco!" Sunny shrieked from Duncan's arms. Legs shaking, Duncan sat down in the pilot seat and watched as Sunny's tiny hands pulled up on the handlebars. "Quagssistence?" she grunted, which probably meant something like, "Duncan, can you get the pedal?"

"Uh…uh-huh," Duncan managed to nod, and he pushed the accelerator as hard as he could.

The escape pod blasted up toward the surface like a rocket, Quigley and Isadora slamming into the cabinet at the head of their bunk-beds, Violet, Klaus, and Metal Maiden flying back into the door with a harsh _BANG!_ Fighting the vessel's radical velocity, Violet continued to bash Metal Maiden's head with the fire extinguisher, Klaus struggling to keep her pinned down. At last, Metal Maiden retracted her blade and shielded her face, a strangled moan escaping her lips. Violet dropped the fire extinguisher and grabbed the door's handle, looking at her brother inquisitively.

"Klaus, what was that thing Anne Robinson said?" she asked with a sneaky smile.

Klaus returned the gesture. "You are the weakest link–––"

"–––goodbye!" they finished together. Violet tore open the door and Klaus let go of Metal Maiden. She flew out of the escape pod down to the ocean floor, water pouring in in a mad frenzy.

"Sunny! Level us out, but keep pushing the gas!" Violet called, she and Klaus struggling to shut the door.

"Selco!" Sunny shrieked again.

The escape pod gradually leveled out, and after a little more wrangling, they finally managed to shut and lock the door. Violet and Klaus looked at each other and breathed a collective sigh of relief. They had done it: they saved the Quagmires and escaped The Great Unknown. Now to get out of dodge and figure out what to do next.

"Accomplo!" Sunny shrieked with a big grin, which probably meant something like, "Mission accomplished!"

"Great job, you two. We did it," Violet complimented, then began wading through the murky, waist-deep pool up to Quigley and Isadora's bunk-beds. "Klaus, can you help me put Quigley and Isadora on the top bunk? The saltwater will infect their wounds if we don't."

"Yeah, sure." Klaus waded over to her and the two boosted their comrades to higher ground.

"Th-th…thank you, Baudelaires," Duncan managed to squeak, turning around to look at them. "I thought we…I thought we…"

Violet smiled sympathetically at the panicked broken record in the pilot's seat. "Aw, you're welcome, Duncan." She wrapped him in a hug and instantly, he began to melt in her arms. Those arms hadn't held him since the Village of Fowl Devotees, and he was positive they'd never hold him again. Through the thick layer of blood, his cheeks flushed a bright red. "Mind if we switch seats?" she asked sweetly, tipping her head.

Duncan blinked at her, stunned. That voice…he'd almost forgotten how melodic it sounded…like a hymn from an angel's lips. "Uh…uh…sure." He nodded.

Violet smiled and picked Sunny up off his lap. Slowly, he stood up from the pilot's seat, his legs shaking like Jell-O in an earthquake. With a death-grip on the edge of the console, he staggered over to the co-pilot's seat and flopped back down, staring intensely out at the ocean's black, chilly bowels. Violet, the new captain of the S.S. SOS, sat down, set Sunny on her lap, and took the freezing handlebars in her trembling hands. Immediately, she hit the accelerator and the pod zoomed forward again.

Klaus hopped up on the bunk beneath Quigley and Isadora and took a deep breath. "Now what?" he asked.

"We lose those guys and find some land," Violet said, glancing over her shoulder at him. "From there we can clean the Quagmires up and figure out what to do next. …Actually, Klaus, why don't you, Sunny, and Duncan get some sleep with Quigley and Isadora? I'll take care of things up here."

"You sure you don't need a co-pilot?" Klaus said, his eyebrows rising in concern.

"Positive," she smiled reassuringly.

Klaus hesitated. "…Alright," he sighed finally, getting up and wading over to them. "But if you need _anything_ , let me know."

"I will, I promise."

Sunny stretched her arms out to her brother and he picked her up. "'Night," she said, which probably meant something like, "Goodnight, Violet."

"'Night, Sunny. 'Night, you two," Violet added.

"'Night, Violet. C'mon, Duncan." Klaus looked around at him.

Duncan blinked, then looked up at him, dazed.

"C'mon," Klaus urged gently. "Let's get some sleep."

"Bu…bu…" Duncan protested, looking at Violet, anxiety apparent in his eyes.

"It's okay. Violet isn't going anywhere," Klaus chuckled.

Duncan blinked at his godsend for a moment before finally lowering his head in defeat. "O-okay…" Obediently, he got up and followed him over to the bunk-beds opposite Quigley and Isadora. Carefully, Klaus boosted Sunny, Duncan, and himself respectively up onto the top bunk, and, after getting comfortable, Duncan rolled over with a muted, frightened whimper. Why did this one good dream have to end? The minute he closed his eyes, he _knew_ he was going to wake up in that dark, acrid cell. For awhile, he fought with everything in him to keep his eyes open, to keep this tiny moment of heaven alive, but finally, the adrenaline crash had triumphed over his willpower and his eyelids sealed shut.

* * *

/

* * *

Violet opened her eyes and looked around. After she'd shut off the escape pod's tracking device, she'd managed to park them in a forest of seaweed deep within a cavern, and that meant nap-time…well, for an hour or so anyway. Just enough time to recharge her batteries and escape the snow scouts. Outside, the tall, leafy plant swayed back and forth slowly, hypnotically, like the pendulum in the grandfather clock she'd worked on shortly before the fire. Last time she'd been at the bottom of the ocean, Sunny had had an unfortunate encounter with the world's deadliest fungus. Last time she'd been at the bottom of the ocean, they'd been sent to the Gorgonian Grotto on a dire mission to find the sugar bowl. Last time she'd been at the bottom of the ocean, Fiona had stabbed them in the back and left them to fend for themselves. Needless to say, all the pandemonium had consumed her focus that she never really got a good look at the Pacific's submerged beauty. It truly _was_ a very lovely view, much like the Mortmain Mountains…

Violet's eyes widened. Quigley. Panicked, she jumped up from the pilot's seat and hurried through the smelly water over to his and Isadora's bunk. The oxygen she'd procured for him wasn't a lot, especially for him being burned alive awhile ago. She fumbled for the canister in his sweatshirt pocket and, after checking the gauge, her heart sunk to the core of the earth.

"Tim…" Quigley wheezed faintly. "Tim…"

Violet stuffed the canister back in his sweatshirt pocket and scrambled back over to the pilot's seat. _IDIOT!_ she chastised inwardly. _HOW COULD YOU FORGET ABOUT HIM?!_ Hurriedly, she pulled up on the handlebars and the escape pod rose up out of the seaweed. She threw it in gear and, as gently as she could, floored it. They zoomed out of the cavern a minute or so later and Violet steered left, her adrenaline racing again. The snow scouts were nowhere in sight, to her relief, but to her horror, the grim reaper was, and knowing _her_ luck, it probably wouldn't be long before he struck… _again_. …And it was all _her_ fault.

"Hey."

Violet jumped out of her skin and looked at the co-pilot's seat to find Duncan staring at her, a small shy smile on his face. "Oh, Duncan, hi," she breathed. "You scared me."

"Sorry," Duncan apologized quietly, lowering his head.

"Tim…" Quigley squeaked again, rolling over. Just then, his charred skin cracked in several places and he let out an agonized scream, Klaus and Sunny springing up from their bunk and Isadora recoiling so intensely in surprise that she slammed into the wall.

"Wh…?!" she sputtered, eyes darting all over the place. Finally, they landed on Quigley and she let out an eerie, but much quieter scream. "Quigleeeeey!"

" _Gaaaaaaaah!_ " Quigley wailed, his body feeling like it was aflame again. " _Burrrrrrrrns!_ "

Klaus lunged off his bunk and hurried over to them. "Quigley… Quigley, hey!"

Isadora's head jerked up, terrified, as if he were going to pummel her. "…Klaus?" she gasped, blinking. She looked around at her surroundings, confused. "Wh…what happened? Where are we?"

"We borrowed an escape pod. Don't worry, we're safe," Klaus assured her with a comforting smile.

Isadora blinked at him, unconvinced, but before Klaus could soothe her any further, Quigley's moaning crescendoed into an ear-piercing scream again, and he began to thrash around. " _Gaaaaaaah!_ " he cried. " _It burrrrrrrns!_ _Make it stop! Make it stop!_ "

Violet felt tears stream down her cheeks as she watched the chaos unfold. Everything in her wanted to run over there and help him, but knowing she was the only one who knew how to (and was physically able to) drive this thing, she forced her eyes back on course, steering it up toward the surface.

"Quigley!" Duncan said, reading her mind and jumping up from the co-pilot's seat. "Quigley, don't move, it'll hurt worse!"

" _Tiiiiiiiim!_ "

"Forget Tim! You need a _doctor_!" Duncan yelled over his insanity. "Now hold still!"

Quigley obeyed, his lungs tight and achy from all the screaming… _and_ the burning. "Water…" he begged his brother in a hoarse whisper, his bloodshot eyes brimming with fear. " _Water…_ "

"There _is_ no water!" Duncan told him, hoping he wouldn't hear the water slapping his and Klaus's legs.

"WATEEEEEEER!" Quigley roared, scared for his life and furious at his luck. But his frustration didn't end there. In fact, both his anger and his fear had pumped him so full of adrenaline that his willpower thumbed its nose at his life-threatening injuries and his body sprung up from his bunk in a frenzy.

"No, Quigley don't–––!" Klaus started, but before he could stop him, Quigley was already flying off his perch in search of his target. He flopped into the pool beneath their feet, and after flailing about in panic for a moment, to his relief, the burning ceased almost immediately.

" _Waaaateeeer,_ " he drawled euphorically, closing his eyes with a wide grin.

"No, Quigley, get outta there! That's salt water!" Duncan waded over to him as fast as he could. "It's got bacteria in it! It'll just make it worse!" He grabbed Quigley by the arm to pull him out, but his brother gave him a defiant shove and he stumbled back into the pathogenic bath with a _sploosh!_

" _No!_ " Quigley yelled viciously, practically foaming at the mouth. " _I need water!_ "

"Quigley, it hasn't been purified," Klaus told him, trying to sound as gentle as he could.

" _I don't care!_ " Quigley barked, almost getting in his face.

Duncan sat up and spat out a mouthful of algae. "Quigley, knock it off and get out!" he ordered, his fear transitioning into anger. "I'm _not_ asking you again!"

Quigley sucked in a deep breath and dived into the water again, taking his sweet time to come back up to the surface.

" _Quigley!_ " Duncan stormed over to him, seized him by the back of his sweatshirt, and yanked as hard as he could.

Though her eyes were still glued on the darkness outside, Violet could hear the two commencing a giant scuffle that was probably worse than all the torture they'd endured aboard The Great Unknown. Her heart tightened with apprehension… _and_ rage. Why'd she take that stupid nap? Why? If she would've waited until they were all truly _safe_ , Quigley and Duncan wouldn't be knocking each other's remaining lights out. She cringed. She couldn't take it anymore. When would this nightmare _end_? For _good_ this time?

Suddenly, the escape pod gave a violent lurch, throwing her into the handlebars and the boys onto the floor, Isadora and Sunny flying off their bunks into the water with their brothers. A soft humming started up shortly after and they felt the escape pod move backward slowly.

"Wh…what was that?" Duncan whimpered, his eyes darting around frantically. "What's going on?"

Quigley, Isadora, and Sunny looked at Klaus, their eyes brimming with fear. "Violet?" Klaus called, his heart tightening. The look in their eyes…he couldn't bring himself to look in them again. Not without losing his sanity, anyway.

Violet growled, banging her fist on the console. "Everything's offline," she reported grimly. She stood up and turned around, unsheathing her gun. On the outside, she looked tough and reassuring. On the inside? Different story. "You guys hide, I got this."

Obediently, they did as told, though the water did limit their hiding spots. Before long, the humming ceased, the escape pod stopped moving, and everything was uncomfortably quiet. Violet swallowed nervously, tightening her grip on her latest invention. _No more,_ she begged silently. _No more shooting. No more dying._ Please _no more._

Suddenly, sparks started flying around the door, the opposition determined to see what was on the other side. The welding continued around the frame, each passing second pumping Violet with apprehension. But there she stood, gun at the ready, refusing to give up without a fight. _No one_ was going to hurt her siblings and friends–––she'd make _sure_ of that.

The door burst open with a harsh _BANG!_ and as the water raced out of the escape pod in a frenzy, someone raced in, walking off Violet's bullet to the arm and stabbing her swiftly in the neck.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: ****_St_** ** _ill_** **no own ASOUE. Or TLOZ.** ** _Still_** **a crazy diehard fangirl. Don't mind the crazy sanitarium escapee...oh, shoot! *logs off and runs***

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Chapter 6  
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"What the–––?! Violet!?" a voice breathed, eyes wide with amazement… _and_ horror.

Violet merely gagged, the steel that was lodged in her neck burning every surrounding artery. Already she could feel its thirst for pain surge through her bloodstream. Never had she felt a current so strong, so… _vindictive_. The world now spinning around her, she looked at the architect behind such dark designs and realized their face was a familiar one, one she thought she'd never see again…one she _never_ wanted to see again.

A group of heavily-armored soldiers hurried in after their leader, their trigger-fingers itching for some action.

"No, stand down!" the voice ordered over their shoulder. "She's a volunteer."

Obediently, the soldiers lowered their weapons and watched intently as their leader jerked the blade out of Violet's neck. "I'm _sooo_ sorry," the voice apologized. "I thought you were one of them."

"Th…them?" Violet squeaked, clamping a hand over her wound. "What 'them'?"

"Our enemies."

"Oh…" Violet said faintly, but not out of acknowledgement–––out of pain. Immediately, she collapsed onto the floor, breathing weakly.

"Violet!" Klaus cried, blowing his cover. He rushed over to her and threw his hands up at the soldiers in protest. "Don't shoot!" he begged. "The world is quiet here!"

"Klaus?"

Klaus's head jerked in the direction of the voice. "Fiona?" he said, his eyes lighting up.

Fiona grinned and bolted over to him, throwing her arms around his neck. "Oh my gosh, you're okay!" she blubbered, tears welling up behind her triangle-framed glasses. "I thought you…I thought…oh my gosh I'm so sorry!"

"Shhh…you're fine," Klaus whispered, rubbing her back soothingly. "Don't worry about it. I forgive you."

Fiona blinked at the windshield worriedly, unable to process his reaction. Here she was expecting him to let her have it six ways from Sunday. "You…you really mean it?" She stepped back to look up into his eyes, unconvinced.

"Of course I do. Those were extenuating circumstances. We've all done some things we're not proud of. You said it yourself: we aren't either noble or wicked, we're like chef salads."

Fiona smiled. The volunteers were right: the Baudelaires truly _were_ remarkable people. Just then, her gut began to burn, her mind suddenly time-traveling back to D-Day–––that fateful choice she carved into stone a few years ago on the Queequeg. She could see him, back when he was short and geeky, begging her not to leave, to accompany them to Briny Beach. She could see herself, torn and afraid, debating between her brother's life and redemption and her crush's life and predicament. She could see the conflict…the kiss…the decision…the days that followed… She shook the thought out of her head, guilt squirming inside her like a rabid worm. It was almost too good to be true for him to just forgive her so easily.

" _Gaaaaaaaaaah, it burns!_ " Quigley screamed suddenly, flying past them and lunging onto the soaked metallic floor just outside the escape pod. " _Make it stop! I need water!_ "

"Quigley, no!" Duncan yelled, he and Isadora rushing after him. "That water's got bacteria in it!"

"Quagmires?" Fiona looked around at the squabble in the puddle, puzzled, then looked back at Klaus. "You guys saved 'em…? How? We've been planning that suicide mission for a year."

Speechless at their luck himself, Klaus shrugged.

"We're full of surprises," Violet managed to grunt from beneath them.

"I guess so," Fiona smiled, crossing her arms.

"They need a doctor, _now_ , especially Quigley," Klaus told her urgently. "Violet told me they set him on fire and he doesn't have much oxygen left in his tank to help him breathe."

"Hey…what about me?" Violet asked.

"What about you?" Klaus asked innocently.

Violet looked to find her dress's left shoulder a lot blacker than before, no doubt from the blood oozing out of her newly acquired battle scar. "Y'know, you're right," she smiled wryly at him. "I feel great."

Fiona rolled her eyes playfully at their sarcasm. Still as sharp as last time they met. "Alright, you guys, c'mon. I'll take you to the doctor."

Klaus picked Sunny up and put her on his shoulders before heaving Violet up into his arms and hurrying after her.

"Gah…Quigley…stop!" Duncan choked, fighting to pry his brother's pruny hands off his throat. "Can't…breathe!"

" _Good!_ " Quigley spat viciously. " _Now you know how I feel without wa_ –––" Suddenly, he released his brother and began to gasp like a fish out of water. The cooling cloud of oxygen had stopped its trek into his lungs and his airway had begun to tighten. His eyes bulged with horror, realizing that every plan in his head to acquire air had failed. His vision began to blur, his gasping worsened…

Fiona's eyes widened. "Lesky! Get these five to the hospital _stat_!" she ordered one of the soldiers behind her. "I got Klaus."

"Yes, ma'am," the tallest soldier nodded. "Volunteers, grab 'em and follow me!"

"Yes, sir," another soldier replied, the whole squadron obeying their commander and picking up the Quagmires and taking Violet and Sunny from Klaus.

His heart sinking, Klaus watched worriedly as the group of volunteer soldiers booked it across the hangar over to a pair of giant metallic double doors. What if this was the last time he'd ever see them?

"Don't worry, they'll be fine," Fiona assured him with a knowing smile. "C'mon." She nodded in the direction the volunteers had disappeared. "I'll take you to the infirmary."

They started walking, Klaus staring at her in bewilderment. "Quigley can't breathe and you stabbed my sister critically in the neck!" he pointed out tensely, the severity of their situation finally overpowering the butterflies of seeing her again. " _How_ are they gonna be alright?"

Fiona took a deep breath, guilt _really_ kicking in now. All because of her philosophy Violet's life was in jeopardy. She flashed back to the time they were trapped in the Gorgonian Grotto, when she'd told them that the Medusoid Mycelium was in its waning phase and that they should hurry back to the Queequeg before it'd begun waxing again. Because of her philosophy, Sunny almost lost her life. And now she'd done it again, only this time, it was _entirely_ her fault. "She'll be fine, Klaus," she replied as calmly as she could, trying to convince herself as well. "She's a fighter. You guys have made it this far, I doubt anything would stop you now."

Klaus blinked. "I hope you're right."

Fiona swallowed as she led him down a gorgeous, colossal hallway. They walked in silence for what felt like forever until Klaus finally found his voice again. "So what is this place? Where are we?" he asked.

"V.F.D. Headquarters," Fiona said, thrilled that he changed the subject.

"Headquarters?" Klaus repeated. "I thought the headquarters was destroyed in the Mortmain Mountains?"

"It was. But one of the surviving volunteers escaped and built a new one, much like the one in the Mortmain Mountains."

"How did he manage to build it at the bottom of the ocean?" Klaus asked. "The pressure's too strong."

"I wondered the same thing," Fiona admitted. "But Tim? He's a genius…like, _genius_ genius. I always had this theory he was a combination of you and Violet. He's V.F.D.'s _original_ inventor."

"He's an inventor?"

"Not just _any_ inventor…" Fiona looked at him. "V.F.D.'s _best_. You should see some of the things he made. Makes Einstein look like a complete idiot."

Klaus's eyebrows rose, intrigued. "Guess I'll have to talk to him sometime. He _is_ here, isn't he?"

"He's _always_ here. Always holed up in his room working on _something_. I'm surprised he makes time to eat, sleep, and read."

"Hm." Klaus nodded, looking off to the side in thought. A combination of him and Violet…this he _had_ to see.

After a few more silent twists and turns, they eventually wound up in front of a pair of sliding glass doors that read _Victims of Fortuitous Destruction_. "Well, here it is," Fiona confirmed, gesturing at it. "Let's go check on everybody."

Klaus nodded and the two strode inside.

"What the…?" Fiona said, her face scrunching in confusion.

A giant herd of people was clogging up the entire waiting room, murmuring excitedly, some even holding cameras at the ready.

Klaus started walking up to the mass to settle their curiosity when Fiona blocked him with her arm. "Hey! What's going on here?" she asked, going in his stead.

"Didn't you hear, Fiona?" a boy about her age inquired breathlessly, turning to look at her. "Lesky said that the escape pod we pulled in earlier had the Baudelaires in it!"

"What?" Fiona's eyes widened. If there was _anything_ she'd learned from her time with Count Olaf, it was feigning emotions.

"Yeah! They just checked in a bit ago!" the boy squealed. "Oh, I can't _wait_ to get an autograph from Violet! She's my hero!"

"Oh really?" She looked over her shoulder at Klaus, who shook his head slowly. The last thing he wanted to do was sign autographs for God knows how many volunteers with his sister's life on the line. Fiona nodded at the door, a subtle cue for him to get out of here, and he needed no clarification.

Suddenly, there was an ear-piercing, terrorized scream from down the hall, followed by frantic footsteps. Immediately, the volunteers' cameras began to flash and the crowd began to get more raucous. The scream threaded down the hallway, and before long, a girl crashed into the blob of chaos like a bat out of Hell.

" _Gaaaaaaah!_ " the girl screamed hysterically, cutting her way through everybody.

Fiona flinched when the girl finally came into view. "Isadora?"

Sure enough, Isadora scrambled out of the infirmary and bolted down the hallway Klaus and Fiona had just walked down, pleading louder than a banshee.

"Isadora!" Fiona cried, racing after her.

Lucky for her, Isadora didn't make it very far. Fiona skidded to a stop, a couple feet away from where Klaus was hugging her, stroking her hair, shushing her as kindly as he could.

"Isadora, you alright?"

" _Get away!_ " Isadora wailed, squirming around wildly, tears racing down her cheeks. " _Get away from me!_ "

"Isadora, hey, it's us," Fiona tried again, stepping closer.

" _Nooo! Don't kill me! Please! I don't know where they are!_ "

"Where who is?" Fiona said.

"Isadora, hey!" Klaus said a bit louder, shaking her gently. "It's okay. No one's gonna hurt you."

Isadora blinked at him for what felt like forever. "…Klaus?" she squeaked.

Klaus smiled, relieved.

Isadora looked around. "Wh… Wh…"

"What's wrong?" Fiona asked.

"Where's…" Isadora looked around some more. "Where's Metal Maiden? She was…she was just chasing me."

Klaus and Fiona looked at each other mournfully. Already it was kicking in, their good ol' friend PTSD. "It's okay, I got you," Klaus uttered sweetly, continuing to hug her. "She's not gonna hurt you, I promise." They were quiet for a moment, waiting patiently for Isadora to anchor herself back into reality. "Want us to walk you back to your room?"

Isadora shook her head. "Violet…" she breathed.

Gripping her shoulders, Klaus looked her in the eye. "What about Violet?"

"Help…" Isadora managed to squeak, her breathing calm but her thoughts still in disarray.

Klaus and Fiona shared a serious glance. "Well, come on," Klaus said and the three darted back into the hospital.

The crowd turned to look at the sliding doors, and soon, their jaws dropped with awe. Their amazement was short-lived though, as Klaus quickly, but politely moved everybody out of his, Fiona, and Isadora's way and hurried down the hall.

"Here…" Isadora said, leading them into a small, peroxide smelling room on the right.

Sunny, resting on the bed next to her comatose older sister, looked around at who'd entered. "Mergency!" she shrieked, relieved that her brother had come to save the day.

"What's going on, Sunny?" Klaus asked, walking up to the side of their cot.

"Vibleed!" Sunny replied, which probably meant something like, "Violet doesn't look too well."

Klaus looked. She was right. Violet had turned unbelievably pale since their arrival. Her breaths weak and shallow, Klaus shook her kindly, Isadora right beside him holding Violet's hand, and Fiona peering down at her worriedly from the other side of the bed.

"Violet," Klaus urged. "Violet!"

"Wh…?" Violet managed to grunt, which sounded more like she was ready to throw up. "Klaus…?" She looked up at him, squinting hard. Everything was so bright… _too_ bright.

"Violet!" Klaus grinned with relief. "How're you feeling?"

Violet blinked at him, almost zombie-like, taking a very long time to respond. "Q…Quigley…"

"Quigley's alright," Isadora reported with a smile. "He's down in surgery right now."

Violet blinked at her. "Q…Quigley…" she choked again faintly. Then her eyes closed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** **Same ol' song and dance, peeps** **–––me still no own ASOUE or TLOZ. :(  
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Chapter 7  
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Klaus's eyes bulged, his jaw dropping in horror. Unable to fathom the sight that had befallen him, he shook his head, hoping it would change the outcome of the situation.

"Violet?" Concerned, Isadora leaned forward.

Silence.

"Viwikip," Sunny said, her tiny hand shaking Violet's face.

Nothing.

Klaus's breathing quickened, Isadora's face falling as she slowly, reluctantly released Violet's hand. Instantly, he looked up at Fiona, who blinked down at his sister, shaking her head slowly, words clearly stuck in her throat. "I…I…" he stuttered, his insides suddenly the numbest he'd ever felt them.

"Klaus!" Isadora called, raising a hand to stop him, but it was too late–––he was already running out of the room down the hall, fighting back the tears as best as he could. First she'd broke his heart…now she'd stopped his sister's. Of course she didn't mean it…did she? She looked very unapologetic when she stabbed her. But then again, judging by the shock in her eyes, she didn't know it was Violet. She was just doing her job, protecting her squad, like any good commander would…right? She truly had changed for the better…right? Back on his side and his partner for life…right?

"Klaus!" an awestruck volunteer breathed, the others watching intently. "It's an honor to meet you! How's Violet? She okay?"

Klaus bit his tongue as hard as he could and politely made his way through the crowd, wishing the volunteer would drop the subject.

"Klaus!"

Just as he was about to walk out of the infirmary, Klaus stopped, hearing the solid clopping of high-heeled boots over the volunteers' murmuring. He blinked back his pain, praying it wasn't obvious, before turning around to find Isadora hurrying through the crowd up to him, looking absolutely determined to glue his heart back together.

"Isadora," he managed to grunt. Oh good, he _did_ sound casual and unfazed.

Isadora threw her arms around his neck and squeezed tightly, resting her head on his chest. She sighed comfortably, his heart thumping against her ear intensely. How it continued to beat after all the trauma it'd endured was beyond her. But, she'd brought the glue–––everything was going to be alright because she was here to fix everything. "I'm so sorry," she whispered with a small shake of her head, unable to believe it herself.

"It's fine," Klaus muttered back, shrugging. He ran his hand up and down her back soothingly, she just as much a victim as he. It felt so good to be in her arms, her embrace still the same as it was when they'd first met: warm…welcoming…innocent. Even after the past few nightmarish years, she was still there for him, right by his side, rain or shine, thick or thin, ready to take on the most formidable of foes. _Nothing_ could sway this girl from doing right…and for once in his life, he finally realized she was his best friend…well, aside from Duncan and Quigley, of course.

Isadora looked up into his eyes, feeling her cheeks burn a tad. Even in the saddest of circumstances, he still made her heart flutter. He'd grown so much since she'd last seen him: taller…wiser… _hotter_. He was the man she'd dreamed of finding one day, the whole package, and here he was on the verge of tears, his older sister's love and guidance ripped away from him. He deserved _so_ much better after the past couple years, especially Violet (and Sunny). She didn't deserve to go out like that…she had her whole _life_ ahead of her still. And Fiona had taken away _everything_ that could've been. What she wouldn't give right now to bring Violet (and her parents) back from the dead…

"Klaus?" came a quiet voice from behind.

Isadora stiffened, her eyes flickering as Klaus looked to find Fiona right in front of him, her eyes wet from guilt. There she was, the root of all his agony right behind her. The demon who took his sister's life… _her_ sister's life. She wasn't going to escape from blame _this_ time. "Get away from him," she growled dangerously, tightening her grip around Klaus.

"Isadora, I'm sorry," Fiona replied, a catch in her voice, clearly bothered by her recent actions. "I don't know what else to say–––"

"Then don't say anything," Isadora suggested darkly, her blood pumping hotter, faster through her veins. "Just leave."

"It was an _accident_ ," Fiona protested with a defensive scowl.

"Just like making us take the fall was an accident?!" Isadora yelled, finally letting go of him and whirling around to glare at her mercilessly, fists clenched in hatred.

Fiona flinched. "I didn't make you take the fall!" she countered, deeply offended by her accusation. "If I'd waited for you guys, we'd _all_ still be stuck in that submarine! At least I escaped so I could get some damn help! I can't do _everything_ myself!"

"I didn't know scapegoating was the new helping!" Isadora spat viciously, getting in her face.

The volunteers watched eagerly as they continued arguing, Klaus torn between defending his sister's honor or his love life. He stood there, thinking long and hard, debating which edge of the sword would hurt the least.

"What's going on out here?" a voice asked over the chaos.

Just in time, too–––Isadora had just pulled back her fist. Instantly, the two (and the crowd of volunteers) stopped and looked to find Duncan staring at them, befuddled.

"Duncan!" a volunteer way in the back called. "How's Quigley doing?"

Duncan felt his heart drop and his throat tighten. "I-I don't know," he managed to say before making his way over to the brewing scuffle. "What's going on out here?" he repeated. "Isadora?" He looked at his sister, almost father-like.

"Violet's dead and it's all her fault!" Isadora said angrily at once.

Duncan's eyes went wide, the crowd of volunteers beginning to murmur. "Wh… _what_?" he squeaked hoarsely.

" _It was an accident!_ " Fiona screamed for the umpteenth time, stomping her foot harshly. Oh, if only Isadora's head had been under it… Did this cycle _ever_ end? "I thought she was the enemy so I jumped in to protect my squad!"

The look in Isadora's eyes intensified as she stared at the floor, becoming so frightening that it'd make a psychopath shiver. _I'll show_ you _an accident…_ she thought. Summoning every inner demon she had, she lunged at Fiona, knocking her to the ground in a raw, frenzied rage.

Too numb to try to stop her, Duncan looked at Klaus for confirmation. "Is…is it true?" he managed to choke through his swollen throat. Violet…dead? How could those two words _possibly_ be in the same sentence? Violet was the toughest girl he'd ever met–––anything life threw at her, she overcame it. _Anything_. Even the most suicidal of circumstances. _Nothing_ could stop her. …And now she's… _dead_?

Klaus looked at him blankly. Luckily, Duncan didn't get to watch her leave. Maybe he could just tell him…no, that wouldn't work. Judging by Isadora's ferocity, obviously _something_ was wrong. Isadora was _never_ one to create drama. She was always the shy girl-next-door who'd never hurt a fly, her head always in the clouds dreaming up couplets. Sure, she was honest about how she felt, but she was _always_ in control of herself. Duncan knew this, Quigley knew this. And in the few years he'd known her, Klaus knew this. If he'd told Duncan that Violet was alright, Isadora's behavior would tell him otherwise. He looked down at the floor mournfully, and for once in his life, there were absolutely no words in all of his reading to describe what had just happened to his sister. "…Yeah," he whispered finally.

Tears welled up in Duncan's eyes, the shattering of his heart heard around the world. "No…" he breathed, shaking his head. Well, that was it: there went his future.

"Great grammy-jammies!" a feeble voice croaked from behind. Suddenly, two beams shot out of a wooden cane, enveloped the two brawling girls on the floor, and separated them effortlessly. "What be all the kerfuffle about?"

Klaus and Duncan looked to find bony, wrinkled fingers wrapped around the head of the cane like a giant fleshy spider. Connected to these fingers was a hand, equally as wrinkly. Connected to this hand was a long frail arm, and connected to this arm was a small old man with short, messy white hair and a child-like grin plastered on his face right under his thick black goggles.

Isadora and Fiona stopped and stared at him, panting. "Tim," Fiona breathed after wiping her bloodied lip. "What are you doing here?"

"A little birdie told me that the Baudelaires were in here," the old man replied nonchalantly. "Thought I'd come see the men, the myths, the legends m'self."

Duncan's face scrunched in confusion. "But, Klaus is the only guy," he pointed out. "Violet and Sunny are girls. Don't you mean 'the man, the _women,_ the myths, the legends'?"

"All it takes is one boy to make it masculine tense," Tim replied coolly, winking.

"But that's Spanish. This is English."

Tim let out a child-like giggle and bonked Duncan on the head with his cane. "Oh, Duncan, you're something else. Glad you guys are alright." He looked back at Isadora and Fiona. "So girlies, what were yous doing on the floor? New dance craze?"

Fiona forced a sheepish chuckle, shaking her head. "No. Just a…misunderstanding." She glanced at Isadora with a casual crooked smile, the look in her eyes merciless.

Isadora gladly returned the gesture, but she absolutely _refused_ to mirror the smile.

"Misunderstanding, ey? What did we misunderstand?"

"Just uh…recent action I did," Fiona explained, praying Tim wouldn't pry Pandora's Box open any more than it already was. Isadora had that covered on _all_ bases. She didn't need reinforcements.

"And what recent action was that?" Tim asked patiently, resting both of his hands on top of his cane.

 _Dammit!_ she thought frantically. Fiona took a deep breath, choosing her words very, _very_ carefully. "Well, the escape pod that came in was one of the enemies' and I thought they maybe abandoned ship, so I went in before my squad to protect them and the person I wound up stabbing wasn't one of our enemies but…" She stopped, unable to complete her sentence. Already every pair of eyes in the waiting room were on her, their gaze burning her skin. This would be the first time she actually told everyone _what_ she did, not just that it was an accident. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't bring herself to say the last word.

"Who?" Tim asked.

Fiona stuttered, her head beginning to pound. "…Violet," she squeaked finally.

"Oh… Well, she's in the infirmary, nothing to worry about," Tim shrugged, as if they were discussing the weather instead of a traumatic accident. "She'll be fine. Violet's a tough ol' bird, ey?"

"No, Tim, it was a critical stab. In the neck. She…she didn't make it."

The volunteers gasped, horrified, Tim's grin fading. "What?" he whispered faintly, his eyebrows rising.

"Look, I'm sorry, it was an accident," Fiona said quickly, her throat swelling again. "I didn't know and I wanted to protect my squad. Y-you know my philosophy: she who hesitates is lost."

"That's a _great_ philosophy," Isadora remarked facetiously, crossing her arms. "And because of your " _great_ philosophy", you betrayed the Baudelaires the first time, and you killed Violet the second!"

"The first time was to save my brother!" Fiona countered hotly, balling her hands into fists. "And don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same for Duncan or Quigley because you're a liar!"

"We've _always_ been there for the Baudelaires, no matter _what_ happened to us!" Isadora fumed, stepping up to her again, her voice getting louder and louder with each word. "We've _always_ had their back, and we always _will_! We're not cowardly traitors like _you_!"

"Who the hell are you to judge me, _princess_?!" Fiona spat viciously, getting in her face. "Sorry we're not all perfect like _you_!"

Isadora lunged at her again, but Fiona rammed her fist deep into her nose, knocking her off her feet and back a foot or two onto the floor. Instantly, Isadora rolled on her side, covering her face with her hands, cringing at the agonizing burning in her face. She let out a pained, but furious growl, feeling her pride shatter all around her. No… She was _not_ going to lose to this…this…pathetic excuse of a human being. Not after what she did. She was going to pay for Violet's death…even if it meant sacrificing her own life. She sprung up off the floor and charged at her again–––

"Okay, okay! Stop!" Duncan cut in, jumping in front of her as Klaus jumped in front of Fiona. "Isadora, go lay down," he ordered, trying to remain calm. "You're tired, you're hurt, you need to rest."

"No! Not until she's dead!" Isadora screamed, trying to squirm free.

"Oh, that's _very_ volunteer-like!" Fiona snorted.

 _"Enough!_ " Duncan glared at his sister, his upper lip stiff. "Isadora, I'm _not_ going to tell you again. Go lay down."

"You're taking _her_ side?" Isadora cried, thunderstruck.

"No, I'm not! I'm ending this! _Go…lay…down!_ "

"Please, Isadora?" Klaus asked sweetly, realizing how deep her heels were dug in.

Isadora looked over Duncan's shoulder at him, flushing profusely when she caught his eye. He offered her a small, apologetic smile, doing everything in his power to defuse the bomb before him. He hated seeing her like this. He hated seeing Fiona like this. He hated all the hate he'd witnessed in the past few years. He'd had enough of it forced down his throat, now it was time to push back the plate.

Isadora lowered her head, silently cursing how much he had an effect on her. "Fine," she said calmly, quietly after what felt like forever. She cast a scowl over both of their shoulders at her opposition before storming off toward the hallway, the crowd of volunteers parting like the Red Sea to let her through. At last there was a moment of silence, a rather uncomfortable one at that, but before long an earth-shattering slam of a door shattered it.

Tim chuckled. "She's juuuust like her mother," he said, his trademark grin back on his face. "Well, I'll get the crew around to arrange a funeral for Vi. I'll let y'all know the details when we figure 'em out. Until then, adios amigos!" With a grandiose wave, he turned and hobbled over to the sliding infirmary doors. "Oh, Klaus!" Tim looked over his shoulder. "Your dorm is five oh one. Sunny's more than welcome to bunk with you, too. And Duncan, I'll let you and Izzy know your dorm numbers when you're all patched up and ready to roll again."

"Thank you," Duncan nodded.

"No, thank _you_ …for volunteering." With a final wink at him, Tim walked out and down the hall, his wooden cane clicking rhythmically against the glossy floor.

Duncan watched him walk out of sight, then looked at Klaus. "Thanks again for saving us, Klaus," he said with a small smile. "Isadora and I are in Room Seven if you and Sunny need us."

Klaus, who was still staring out the doors in the direction Tim had disappeared, looked around at him. "Thanks, Duncan," he said, returning the gesture. "You and Isadora get well, okay? We'll come back in the morning to check on you."

Duncan's smile widened. "We will. See you then." He turned and headed back down the hall.

Klaus looked at Fiona, his heart tying itself into knots. "I'll uh…see you tomorrow," he managed to say, then headed down the hall after Duncan.

"Yeah…see you," Fiona said softly. She looked down at the floor mournfully for a moment, then turned and strode out of the infirmary, walking down the hall opposite Tim's direction.

Mustering up all his courage, Klaus peeked in Violet's room to find Sunny cuddling with their sister's corpse, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Hey," he said quietly.

Sunny sat up and looked at him. "Hioh," she replied, wiping her eyes.

"You okay?" Klaus asked.

"Carrasolee," Sunny said, which probably meant something like, "No, I'm not."

"Me neither," Klaus agreed. He was quiet for a moment. "You ready to go to bed?"

"Carrasolee," Sunny said again.

"Me neither," Klaus looked down at his feet. "But, we have to. We've had a _long_ day, and we'll only get crankier if we stay up. Let's go."

Sunny looked at Violet and saluted like a soldier in the military, bringing tears to Klaus's eyes. "Luvooh," she said, which probably meant something like, "Goodbye, Violet. We love you and we'll miss you."

Klaus walked in and picked her up off the bed. "Luvooh, indeed," he whispered. He bent down and gave her one last kiss on her cold, clammy forehead, then walked out, hitting the lights and shutting the door on his way.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** **Still no own ASOUE or TLOZ. :(**

* * *

 _ **=======  
Chapter 8  
=======**_

* * *

Klaus forced his tired eyes open with a moan. Whoa…what a crazy dream. He and his sisters had rescued the Quagmires from The Great Unknown and were now aboard a secret–––wait a minute… He looked around. He wasn't on board the Beatrice, waking up to the smell of Sunny's improvised cooking and the heavy humid air bearing down on his face. He was under the V.F.D. insignia covers of a gorgeous four-poster bed, waking up to the sound of peaceful silence and the sight of his Very Fancy Dorm. His heart sank. Every single scene of his dream–––the rescue, the headquarters, Violet's death–––wasn't a dream. It was real. Carved in stone. Never to be changed. …And there was nothing he could do about it.

Klaus lie back on his pillow, staring numbly at the ceiling. He couldn't believe it: the Quagmires were alive and had been freed, there was a secret V.F.D. Headquarters at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, and Violet…truly wasn't with them anymore. He was all alone now…officially the oldest, the provider of the family. Never had he felt such weight on his shoulders before, and he could squat at least two-hundred pounds. No, this weight was different, heavier, and how it hadn't crushed Violet in the seventeen years she'd been alive was beyond him. If it weren't for her, they'd be in Count Olaf's clutches. If it weren't for her, they wouldn't have made it off The Great Unknown with the Quagmires alive. If it weren't for her, he wouldn't be half the man he was today. She truly _was_ an inspiration.

 _Da-ding!_

Klaus sat up and squinted at his door, puzzled. He didn't recall seeing a bell anywhere in his dorm when he checked it out last night. He reached over and snagged his glasses off his end-table. On the wall next to his door was a big golden mail-slot, a rectangular basket placed on the floor right under it. But it wasn't this that had his attention. It was the rolled up parcel sticking out of the basket that had piqued his curiosity. He flung the covers to the side and stumbled out of bed over to the basket. He picked up the thick bundle bound by a thick string and examined the folded note on top of it.

 **.**

 _Dear Mr. and Miss Baudelaire,_  
 **.**

 _We're so glad you're alive and well after the series of unfortunate events you've endured these past_

 _few years. Rest assured, the world is quiet here at HQ, and your well-being is our top priority._

 _Enclosed in this parcel you will find important paperwork about both of you that needs to be filled_

 _out and returned to Mandy in the Library of Records by midnight tonight, a map of HQ, today's_

 _issue of Various Facts Daily, and an in-depth information packet concerning HQ and all of its_

 _contents._  
 **.**

 _Welcome home, and thank you both again for volunteering,_

 ** _._**

 _Tim Fletcher  
_

 _Head Volunteer of V.F.D. Headquarters_

 ** _._**

Klaus untied the parcel and read a sample of each of its contents.

"Fissiwee?" Sunny said tiredly, rubbing her eyes, which probably meant something like "Good morning, Klaus. What are you doing?"

Klaus looked around at her. "Oh, morning, Sunny," he replied before walking back toward the bed. "Just looking at our…mail for today."

"Maio?" Sunny said, tipping her head.

"Yeah, mail. It just came." Klaus sat on the edge of the bed and began flipping through Tim's welcome packet again. "It's all about the headquarters and stuff."

Sunny crawled over to him and looked. "Quagmire?" she asked, which probably meant something like, "Did you go see the Quagmires yet?"

"No, not yet. I was waiting for you to get up." Klaus looked at her. "I thought you'd want to check on them too."

Sunny nodded. "Lezzgoh."

"I'm ready when you are," Klaus smiled and got up.

Sunny slid off the edge and followed him out the door.

* * *

/

* * *

Isadora blinked numbly at the ghost white ceiling, silently begging her muse to come out and play. Even after a nice hot shower, a hearty dinner, getting her wounds all patched up, and a good night's sleep last night, she still felt crummy. Ten times better than yesterday, but still not a hundred percent. She was still missing something…the final piece of the pie to make her whole again: poetry. It had been a year since she'd written a word for recreation. Hopefully the ceiling wouldn't mind her using it as her blank canvas for another beautiful masterpiece.

Just then, the door opened and in came a cheerful, dark-skinned nurse pushing a cart with two large silver trays on it, both covered by shiny silver lids. "Morning, Quagmires!" she greeted with a radiant smile. "How are you two doing this morning?"

"Fine, how are you?" Duncan replied, returning the gesture.

"Not too bad," the nurse replied, activating his bed table and setting a tray on it. She swiveled it up to his chest and headed over to Isadora. "Hopefully Volunteer Bedwald won't swallow any important information anymore."

Duncan and Isadora looked at each other. "What do you mean?" Isadora asked, watching her activate her bed table and do the same as she did to her brother.

"Yesterday at the meeting he and his associate presented the information they'd collected working uncover as informants at one of our enemies' bases. Well, apparently the sights he'd seen were so gruesome and imbedded in his head that he psyched out and ate all their notes. Took a couple volunteers to hold him down so he couldn't do any more damage."

"He swallowed their notes?" Duncan repeated, his eyebrows rising.

"Yep. All twenty-two pages," the nurse said, swiveling the table up to Isadora's chest and making her way back over to the door. "Had _horrible_ abdominal pain. Tore up his digestive track something fierce. But, thankfully, he'll be alright and all twenty-two pages are still readable…well, some of them anyway. Enjoy your breakfast and your morning paper. Dr. VanSlout will be in shortly to check on you."

"Thank you," Duncan and Isadora said in unison, and with one final smile, the nurse walked out and shut the door.

The Quagmires lifted their lids to find a plethora of morning favorites staring back at them: bacon, eggs, sausage, hashbrowns, toast, pancakes, waffles, bagels, cereal, fresh fruit, orange juice, milk, coffee… _everything_. Their eyes widened with desire, their mouths beginning to water. Without hesitation, they grabbed their utensils and dug in.

There they lay, upright in bed, stuffing their faces politely in silence for what felt like forever, when Duncan finally set down his fork and picked up _Various Facts Daily_ next to his tray. He hadn't held (or seen) a newspaper since he was on board Hector's self-sustaining hot air mobile home. Why, he was so elated that he could write a whole newspaper just about how he felt at the moment. " _Various Facts Daily_ ," he mused, glancing at his sister. "Didn't know V.F.D. had a newspaper." Suddenly, his eyes lit up. "Maybe I could apply for a position. I could be a real journalist!"

Isadora smiled at him. "You could," she agreed. "Is there anybody you can talk to about it?"

Duncan scanned every inch of the paper as if his life depended on it. …Oh wait, it _did_ depend on it. "Oh, right here. 'Variety of Friendly Dispositions wanted to join our news team. See Max in the Vigilant Factfinders' Department for details.'" He looked at Isadora, puzzled. "Where's that at?"

Isadora shrugged. "I wish Quigley were here. He'd tell us," she replied mournfully.

Duncan's heart tightened. "Me, too," he sighed. He looked at the front page of _Various Facts Daily_ to find a colored picture of Isadora in a tussle with Fiona on the hospital floor, he and Klaus in the background looking beyond thunderstruck. Immediately, he cringed. They hadn't even been there twenty-four hours and they'd already made the front page…but thankfully, not for murder this time. Taking a deep breath, he read the article, just to see how "vigilant" they really were at "factfinding".

 **.**

 **BAUDELAIRES AT HQ!**

 **–The Legends Return–**

 _by: Kane Wattson_

 **.**

 _History is made every day, but not like last night. At around 23 hours, an_

 _enemy escape pod had been pulled into the hangar by Red Squad, but its_

 _contents were far from hostile. Aboard it were none other than the_

 _legendary Baudelaire siblings, accompanied by the kidnapped Quagmire Triplets._

 **.**

 _But don't celebrate just yet._

 **.**

 _Just before they could step off, commander of Red Squad, Fiona_

 _Markmans, jumped on board, mistaking them for the enemy, and_

 _accidentally stabbed Violet Baudelaire in the neck in an attempt to_

 _protect her associates._

 **.**

 _And that's where it all unravels…_

 **.**

 _In addition to the former prisoners of war, Duncan, Quigley, and Isadora,_

 _Violet was also checked into the infirmary for her wounds. But it wasn't_

 _long before she was pronounced dead from her injury. Trailing the tragedy_

 _shortly after was a fight between Isadora Quagmire and Markmans in the_

 _infirmary waiting room, both parties disagreeing vehemently on whether_

 _or not it was an accident._

 **.**

 _Duncan and Isadora are recovering nicely from their frightening escapade_

 _in Room 7, Klaus and Sunny are just fine and adjusting to HQ, but Quigley,_

 _however, we have no info to report other than he's in surgery for second_

 _and third degree burns._

 **.**

 _Tune in to tomorrow's issue for an update._

 **.**

Duncan nodded, impressed. He stood corrected–––finally, someone who told the _whole_ story. He absolutely looked forward to working with _these_ volunteers. He continued on to the next article, which happened to be the one about Volunteer Bedwald.

Isadora pushed aside her bed table and looked up at the ceiling again wistfully, her mind no longer on couplets this time, but him. The only silver lining of the gigantic storm cloud called her life. He'd endured so much since they'd gotten separated from each other in the Village of Fowl Devotees, things no human being should have to go through. Every day she thought of him, where he was, how he was doing, what his love tasted like. She _knew_ she should've kissed him before leaving to go do S.O.R.E. with Duncan that fateful night. She was positive she'd never get another opportunity to tell him how she really felt. But thankfully, the heavens took pity on her and granted her another chance. Here he was, right here with her in HQ, right now, nothing keeping them from seeing each other. Now was the time to strike, to tell him that _she_ was the one for him, not some traitorous fool who believed so deep in her idiotic philosophy that it cost him his sister's life. The next time she saw him, she was going to wrap her arms around him and plant her seal of approval on his lips…show him what a real woman who cared about him looked like.

The door swung open a moment later and in walked Klaus, Sunny right behind him. Immediately her throat tightened, her heartbeat quickened, and her face reddened. Um…maybe next time, when Duncan and Sunny weren't here. Yes… _that's_ when she'd do it.

"Morning," Klaus greeted warmly. "How're you feeling?"

Duncan looked up from his paper. "Oh hey, Klaus. A lot better than yesterday, that's for sure," he told him, folding it in half and flopping it down on his bed table. "Thanks again for saving us. We don't know _where_ we'd be without you guys."

Klaus blushed and looked away humbly. "Aw, it's nothing. We'd do anything for you three."

 _God_ , he looked so adorable when he did that. Isadora blinked at him, more hypnotized than a deer in headlights. How on _earth_ was she going to tell him she loved him without looking like an idiot? Well, _obviously_ when they were alone, but still. Escaping The Great Unknown a _second_ time would be easier than baring her soul to the love of her life.

Klaus looked over at her, and she about lost it. "Morning," he said. "How're _you_ feeling?"

 _Excited,_ Isadora thought dreamily. "Uh…great," she replied, snapping back to reality. She smiled sheepishly.

"Good." Klaus smiled. "I was worried about you."

 _He was worried about me?!_ Isadora thought giddily, her heart racing faster. "I was…worried about you, too," she said shyly, blushing harder. "How're _you_ feeling?"

"I'm…I'm alright," Klaus admitted sadly, looking at the floor. "I feel…numb. Like the day our parents died."

Isadora nodded in understanding. "I'm so sorry, Klaus," she said, shaking her head mournfully. "Is there anything I can do?"

"I think you've done enough, Isadora," Duncan said, giving her a look. "You already made the front page for what you did last night. We don't need you making the whole newspaper tomorrow."

A devilish crooked smile slowly spread across Isadora's face. Last night…oh, what a _rush_ it gave her, last night…

"In what way is this funny?" Duncan asked curtly.

"Hm?" Isadora looked at him, trying to look innocent.

"Don't 'hm' me. I know you better than that," Duncan growled. "You were smiling. This isn't funny."

"I wasn't _smiling_ ," Isadora shot back defensively.

Duncan scowled at her skeptically.

"I _wasn't_ ," Isadora muttered insistently, looking away.

Klaus smiled halfheartedly. Her gesture was far from volunteer-like, but he appreciated the volunteer-like honor behind it. "I appreciate what you tried to do, Isadora," he began carefully. "And I don't mean to sound cliché, but I don't think violence will help us get through this."

Isadora looked at him for a moment, then finally nodded.

"Gishbit," Sunny said, tugging her brother's pantleg and holding something up to him.

"Oh, yeah. Tim wanted me to give you these." Klaus took the objects from her hand and walked over to Duncan. "He says he's sorry he couldn't give them to you in person. He had to go fix the copy machine in the administration office. Apparently it won't stop making copies of The Littlest Elf movie poster."

Duncan's jaw dropped. "No way!" he squealed, taking a dark green commonplace book in his hands. "Thanks! How did he know I like green?"

Klaus shrugged as he made his way over to Isadora. "I don't know. Guess Fiona was right: he _is_ a genius." He held out a pitch black commonplace book to her, and with a trembling hand, she reached out and grabbed it.

Starry-eyed, Isadora stared at the notebook in her hands. Finally, a vessel to carry all of her notes (and her soul) in. She was certain she'd never live to have another one. "Well, tell him we said thank you," she smiled up at him gratefully.

Klaus nodded. "Will do."

The door creaked open again and in walked a tall man with slicked-back dark hair and stubble wearing a long white coat. "Morning, you two!" he said brightly. "How are we feeling today?"

"A lot better than yesterday," Duncan told him with a smile. "My eyes are still a little puffy, though."

"Oh, they're gonna be," the man said, heading over to inspect him. "Whatever they used, they clobbered you quite well, Mr. Quagmire."

"Steel-toed boot," Duncan replied. "I couldn't see for a week they were so swollen."

"Oooh…" the man grimaced at the image. "How's your sight today?"

"It's a little fuzzy, but not like yesterday."

"Good…good…means you're getting better. It's a miracle you're not blind," the man smiled at him, then looked over at Isadora. "And how are you feeling, Miss Quagmire?"

Isadora peeled her eyes off Klaus and watched the man walk toward her. "Fine, Doctor."

"How's your nose?" Dr. VanSlout asked.

Maintaining eye contact, Isadora paused and lowered her head, looking ready to say something opposite her demeanor. "Fine," she answered finally, doing her best to mask her hatred with a straight face.

Dr. VanSlout gave her a doubtful crooked smile. "Nice try," he said sweetly. He leaned forward to examine Fiona's opinion of their argument. "She got you good. Too soon to say whether or not it's broken, though. After the swelling goes down a bit more, we'll know for sure. But that'll be a few more days."

Isadora nodded and looked down at her lap.

Dr. VanSlout looked at Klaus and his eyebrows rose in surprise. "Mr. Baudelaire! I didn't know you were in here," he stuck out his hand. "I'm Rudy VanSlout, head V.F.D. doctor."

"Nice to meet you, Doctor," Klaus shook his hand.

"And this must be Miss Sunny," Dr. VanSlout crouched down with a welcoming smile.

"Highmeew," Sunny said, shaking his hand.

"She says it's nice to meet you," Klaus translated.

"Likewise." He stood up. "Come to check on your friends, I take it?"

"Yeah," Klaus nodded. "I was worried about them."

"I understand. But, you need not worry–––I'll take good care of them. They're safe here." Dr. VanSlout smiled reassuringly.

"What about Quigley?" Klaus asked.

Dr. VanSlout sighed. "I'm not sure how he's doing," he admitted. "Dr. Wesson and Dr. Lecko have been operating on him since last night and they won't allow _anyone_ back there, even us doctors."

Duncan and Isadora shared an uneasy glance, Klaus's heart sinking.

" _But_ ," Dr. VanSlout added, "I _will_ let you know when I know something."

"Please do," Klaus urged.

They were quiet for a moment. "Well, I hate to say this, but I'm afraid you'll have to come back in a few hours. I still have some work to do on Duncan and Isadora, and afterward they'll need their rest."

Klaus looked at Isadora, then at Duncan, then finally back at him. "Alright," he nodded. "C'mon, Sunny." The two headed over to the door, but before they walked out, Klaus looked over his shoulder at the Quagmires. "We'll be back later."

"Thanks for dropping by, Baudelaires," Duncan said, Isadora nodding in agreement. "We appreciate it."

Klaus smiled at them, then looked down at his sister. "You hungry?"

"Creebo!" Sunny shrieked, which probably meant something like, "I'm _starving_!"

Klaus chuckled and opened the door. "Alright. Let's go get breakfast."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for not posting in awhile. Work is the root of _all_ fanfiction delays. -_- I swear I didn't forget yas! ;) \m/  
**

 **Disclaimer:** **Still no own ASOUE or TLOZ. :( _Damn_ my life sucks...  
**

* * *

 _ **=======  
Chapter 9  
=======**_

* * *

Klaus watched as Sunny mowed down on some hard, stale bagels the cafeteria workers managed to find in the back. All around him he could hear excited whispers about his presence, feel the volunteers' stares burn his skin, but he paid no attention. To be honest, he really just wanted to be alone, to think, to recover from the past three years, to mourn Violet's death, but his stomach wouldn't allow it. This was the first good breakfast he'd had in years, but Violet wasn't there to share it with him. His belly was full, but his heart was still starving…starving for a connection with his older sister.

" _Murderer!_ " came an outraged cry from behind him, and immediately the whole cafeteria looked to see what had captivated her attention.

Puzzled, Klaus looked around at the volunteer who started the uproar to find her on her feet, pointing dangerously at somebody ahead of them. He followed her finger and found Fiona emerging into the cafeteria.

"Get outta here, murderer!" a different volunteer chimed in, almost as ruthless as the first.

Fiona looked to find the whole room glaring vengefully at her, some volunteers getting up from their seats and storming over to her. _Well, this is_ one _way to start your day,_ she thought. _I usually prefer coffee and eggs to start mine._

"You got a _lotta_ guts to show your face around here after what you did," a different female volunteer snarled darkly, she and her two cronies forming an uncompromising wall between her and the breakfast line.

"Cali, seriously? I just woke up," Fiona sighed tiredly, exasperation blatant in her eyes. "Can I _just_ get some breakfast?" She tried to walk around them.

"No!" Cali barked, shoving her harshly. "You don't _deserve_ breakfast after what you did! Actually, you don't deserve to _breathe_ after what you did!"

Fiona took a deep breath, her blood beginning to boil again. "Cali…" she growled warningly. "I'm not in the mood today."

"Neither are we!" Cali and the other two girls closed in on her.

"Hey, whoa, stop!" a female volunteer about eleven squeaked, jumping between them. "She didn't mean it! Seriously! It was an accident!"

The girls stopped and stared at her, Fiona with shock and relief, Cali with a sadistic glare. "What, you got a recruit to fight your battles for you?" she smirked up at her opposition. " _Real_ volunteers don't hide behind apprentices! They own what they do!"

Fiona's heartbeat quickened, her breathing now shallow. " _Real_ volunteers ask both sides of the story before making an educated judgment!" she retorted, her upper lip curling into a snarl.

Cali's eyes flickered. In a blur, she slugged the recruit brutally in the the jaw and seized Fiona by the throat, thrusting her backward into the double doors. The cafeteria roared with approval, the few Fiona sympathizers hiding among the chaos taking the recruit's casualty as a sign and remaining silent. The color draining from her brave face, Fiona whipped out her pocketknife and flipped out the blade–––

" _Stop!_ " Klaus yelled over the madness, springing up from his seat and bolting over to them. In the nick of time, he broke Cali's grip on Fiona before she could sever the problem herself.

Cali stepped back, appalled at who stood before her in his six foot five muscular glory. "Klaus…?" she breathed, blinking, trying to wrap her head around what just happened. She looked at Fiona incredulously. "What, did you blow him, too?" she demanded.

Klaus blushed furiously at the graphic accusation, Fiona flinching at the ball from left field. "Where the _hell_ did that come from?" she shot back.

"Why _else_ would he defend _you_?" Cali shouted. "You killed his own _sister_ and he's _defending_ you!"

" _It was a fucking accident!_ " Fiona screamed viciously.

" _Okay, stop it!_ " Klaus hollered, and the room became hauntingly quiet. "Look…Cali, is it? Just go and eat your breakfast. I'll handle this."

Cali looked up at Klaus, then glared at Fiona. "You're fucking lucky!" she hissed, pointing at her. "If he hadn't have stepped in, I'd have beat the snot outta you! C'mon, girls." With that, she turned and led the two girls back to their table.

Klaus watched to make sure they held true to their word, then looked at Fiona. "C'mon. Let's head back to my dorm," he whispered. He looked around at his sister. "Sunny! Bring your bagels and c'mon."

"Selco!" Sunny called, getting up and gathering her spoils, which probably meant something like, "Roger!"

The three walked out of the cafeteria and retraced their steps back to the Baudelaire base. All the while following, Fiona stared down at her feet, her face flushing at the instant replay, both from anger and from nerves. Anger at the gall Cali had to make a scene (and almost gut her) in front of the whole cafeteria, and nerves from Klaus's response to the situation. As if Cali couldn't believe that he jumped in to save her, she was even _more_ amazed. He actually _defended_ her…even _after_ she'd committed one of the most unforgivable acts in the world? Did her eyes see that right? She replayed the scene again, analyzing every minute detail at least a dozen times. By God, he _did_. Wait…maybe he jumped in to save her so _he_ could grill her _himself_. And not just for Violet's death, but for her betrayal on the Queequeg years ago…a moment that haunted her to this day. She swallowed anxiously. Yep…that's where this was going. She could just feel it. She was mere footsteps away from being beheaded by her beloved. Did this nightmare _ever_ end?

After a few more twists and turns, Klaus walked up to his and Sunny's dorm, fumbling for his keycard.

"Willbo?" Sunny asked, watching her brother hesitate, which probably meant something like, "Are you alright?"

Klaus felt his heart tighten. "Yeah, I'm fine," he replied, trying to sound casual, swiping the keycard through the lock.

Sunny squinted doubtfully as Fiona reluctantly followed him inside. "Nobuyit," she told him.

"What do you mean 'you don't buy it'?" Klaus turned around, feigning ignorance.

"Nobuyit," Sunny insisted.

Klaus sighed. Even his _baby_ sister could see right through his lies. And if he couldn't fool _her_ of all people, the jig was _definitely_ up. He swallowed, clearly disturbed by _some_ demon deep inside. "Sunny, can we have a minute? Just the two of us? Please?" he asked sweetly.

Sunny looked at Fiona, then back at him. "Gizzo," she sighed finally. "Quagolbisha." She turned and walked back the way they came.

"Thanks. Tell them I'll be there in a bit to check on them," Klaus called, then shut the door.

"Where's she going?" Fiona piped up finally, trying to delay her death sentence as long as she could.

Klaus was quiet, staring at the door numbly. "She's…going to check on the Quagmires," he translated after a moment, then turned around to look at her. Instantly, the memories he tried so hard to forget came to the forefront, this time crystal-clear and in color. He could see himself, Violet, and Sunny following Captain Widdershins down the dark hall to the belly of the beast…he could see her wheeling out from under one of the panels in the dim green light…he could see her shaking his hand in greeting with that beautiful smile of hers… He opened his mouth to speak, but his throat swelled shut. Embarrassed at how idiotic he must've looked, he looked off to the side at the wall, beginning to tremble.

"Klaus?" Fiona said delicately. "You okay?"

Despite his attempts to look calm and collected, his breathing had deepened, and to his horror, she'd noticed. He could see them gathered round the table, trying to make head or tail of the tidal charts…them being carried by the icy current deep into the Gorgonian Grotto…the field of Medusoid Mycelium creeping up to them on the shore… "Yeah, I'm fine." He continued to stare at the wall.

"No, you're not," Fiona shook her head.

The vacant Queequeg upon their return…his spore-poisoned sister gasping for air…Count Olaf leading them to the brig of the Carmelita… "Yeah, I am," Klaus insisted hurriedly.

"You're not foolin' me."

Hers and Fernald's reunion…their escape back to the Queequeg…curing Sunny with the lone can of wasabi… He remained silent.

"What's wrong?"

Decoding the telegram from Quigley…her newfound allegiance to Count Olaf as they raided the Queequeg for its valuables…him begging her to come with them…

"Klaus?"

The kiss…

With a tortured grunt, Klaus bolted out of his dorm and down the hall at top speed, tears racing down his face.

"Klaus!" Fiona hurried into the hall and stared in the direction he disappeared, her mind racing.

"Whado?"

Fiona jumped and looked around to find Sunny standing by the door, her arms crossed tightly, her adorable little face grim.

"Sunny!" Fiona breathed, taken aback by her presence. "I thought you went to see the Quagmires."

"Whado?" Sunny demanded again, which probably meant something like, "What did you do to him?"

Fiona tipped her head questioningly. Unfortunately, her only translator had run away in an erratic mess. "I'm sorry, I'm trying to understand what you're saying."

Sunny ignored her desperation and proceeded to speak her mind. "Nobuyyou," she growled, which probably meant something like, "I don't trust you."

"What?"

"Nobuyyou!" Sunny repeated louder.

Fiona took a deep breath, fighting to remain patient. "What are you trying to say?" she asked.

"Hurt Klaus!" Sunny yelled, then stomped past her to look for her brother. But before setting out on her mission, she opened wide and clamped down hard on Fiona's leg.

Fiona cried out in pain, bending down to baby her wound.

"Stayway!" Sunny threatened, pointing at her, which probably meant something like, "Stay away from him!" And with that, she left.

Fiona watched her disappear, then looked down at her pantleg to find it speckled with blood. She sighed tiredly. This was going to be a _long_ day.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Shoutout to the awesome ** CompleteIndie **for reviewing! You rock, man! ;) \m/**

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 _CompleteIndie_ ––– _Lol I thought so, too ;) I still can't see how Klaus falls for Fiona. He's way too smart to fall for someone like that. :/ Isadora SO deserves him.  
_

 _/_

 _Shanks! I will. :)_

 **.**

 **Disclaimer:** **Still no own ASOUE or TLOZ.**

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 _ **========  
Chapter 10  
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* * *

 ** _(Three weeks later_** ** _…)_**

.

 _Keep me up all night, you do,_

 _Lying there, praying for a kiss from you._

.

 _Always leaving me breathless, amazed,_

 _Unable to speak to you, my mind in a daze._

.

 _Such a dream come true it would be,_

 _Being with you for eternity._

.

Isadora cringed. What on Earth was _this_? Where did her muse go? Did it check out of the hospital when she wasn't looking? Or did the enemies' torture really scramble her brain more than she thought? Whatever the cause, she didn't like the fact that she wasn't as poetic as she usually was. But then again, it was hard to come up with a good line for each letter in his name and still make them rhyming couplets.

Isadora closed her notebook with a muted growl. How much longer was she and Duncan to stay in this cramped little room? They weren't allowed to leave until Dr. VanSlout gave the okay, and walking around the hospital was no longer exciting. Though its intentions were noble, she still felt like she was in a prison, much like the one she was in aboard The Great Unknown, only much more inviting and sanitary. The only silver lining to her situation was that her nose _wasn't_ broken after all and her face was no longer puffy. And for that, she was tremendously grateful.

"'Ello," a small voice greeted cheerfully.

Isadora looked to find Sunny grinning in the doorway. She was so lost in her own misery that she didn't even hear the door open. "Oh hi, Sunny," she replied, returning the gesture. "How are you?"

"'Kay," Sunny answered, which probably meant something like, "I'm fine, thank you." "Algubut?"

Isadora tipped her head, understanding absolutely nothing she just said. "Umm…" she started.

Even after spending time with them for the past three weeks, Isadora's interpreting skills were still as sharp as Fiona's. Sunny quickly changed the subject. "Duncan?" she tried instead.

"Oh, Duncan's alright," Isadora answered, relieved she'd said something that she could actually understand.

Just then, the bathroom door creaked open and out walked Duncan, the latest issue of _Various Facts Daily_ in his hand. "Oh hey, Sunny," he smiled down at her. "How're you?"

"'Kay," Sunny said again with a wide, four-toothed grin.

"Good. Ready to read the paper with me?"

"Yah!" Sunny shrieked happily, clapping her hands together.

Duncan chuckled at her enthusiasm and picked her up off the ground. As the two got comfy in his bed, Isadora couldn't help but smile. This had become a tradition since their arrival at HQ, and every time she watched them, she'd always flash back to when she was five, when her father would scoop her up in his arms and take her upstairs to read her a bedtime story. She could see herself, all tucked-in, listening intently as her big, gruff father read every fairy tale under the moon to her, and right after his nightly story, she'd always ask him if a prince would ever come and save her one day. He'd merely smile and say, "Of course, princess. But not until you're sixty." All that time she never understood what he meant, but when she watched Duncan and Sunny bond over the daily news, it all began to make sense. Sunny was so young…so innocent…so delicate that she'd do _anything_ to shield her from the evils of the world, especially when somebody wanted to come and break her heart. … _This_ was what her father had seen all those years ago. He wasn't trying to discourage her, make her feel bad, he just wanted to protect her, his only daughter. Her thoughts drifted to the fire…Prufrock Prepatory School…667 Dark Avenue…the Village of Fowl Devotees…The Great Unknown… Tears welled up in her eyes. Her life was _far_ from the fairy tale she wanted. There _was_ no happy ending for her–––the recent events had proved otherwise…and there _sure_ wasn't a prince coming to save her from her hell…

…Or was there?

Klaus came to her mind before long, and instantly, her heart picked up the pace. _He_ was her prince, she could feel it. Never had she felt such a connection with a guy before, well, aside from her brothers and her father. He was everything she wanted in a man: sweet, smart, funny, hot… _very_ hot. She blushed profusely. When was she going to get it together to tell him she loved him? To finally make him hers? What was it going to take?

"Mornin', Quagmires!"

Isadora jumped and looked to find Dr. VanSlout emerging into the room smiling brightly.

"Morning, Doctor," Duncan smiled up at him. "How're you?"

"Fine, how are you guys?" Dr. VanSlout crossed his arms in front of him and looked at them.

"We're fine," Duncan replied, Isadora nodding in agreement. "How's Quigley?"

Dr. VanSlout's smile faded. "I don't know."

"You _still_ haven't heard from them?" Duncan sat up, concerned.

"No, I haven't," Dr. VanSlout admitted quietly, shaking his head. "No one has. They refuse to tell us. Why? I don't know. And I deeply apologize, but I'm not going to press the matter until they come to us."

Duncan and Isadora shared an uneasy glance.

"And I hate to rain on your parade even more but it looks like you're going to be in here for a few more months."

Isadora groaned and slammed herself back down, glaring at the ceiling. Great…just what she wanted to hear.

"…April Fool's."

Isadora looked to find Dr. VanSlout grinning sneakily. "What?" she asked.

"Mm hm. Today's April Fool's Day. Ironic, huh?" Dr. VanSlout said. "You two are officially free to go. And _that_ is no joke."

"We are?" Isadora said excitedly, springing up.

"You are," Dr. VanSlout smiled.

"Wait, so, Quigley was a joke, too?" Duncan asked, Isadora immediately jumping out of bed.

"No, Quigley wasn't a joke," Dr. VanSlout said at once. "I'd never joke about something like that. That's not funny."

"Oh…" Duncan said quietly, wishing he _was_ kidding.

"Well, I'd best be off. I'd love to stay and chat, Quagmires, but I got a full plate in front of me today. You're clothes are in that cupboard over there, and I already spoke to the front desk about your dismissal, so you don't need to worry about anything. Have a good day, and I pray I never see you in _here_ again." With one final smile, he walked out and down the hall to his next objective.

Immediately, Isadora flew over to the cupboard and grabbed her clothes off one of the shelves. To her amazement, her tattered, bloodied white shirt and dark purple skirt were as good as new, as if they'd never seen a torture chamber in their lifetime. Putting her puzzlement on the back burner, she raced into the bathroom to change.

"So, how's Klaus?" Duncan asked Sunny, hopping out of bed and heading over to the cupboard. "Haven't seen him in, like, three weeks."

"'Kay…" Sunny said grumpily.

Duncan looked around at her. "You okay?"

Sunny shook her head. "Calibutter," she muttered.

Duncan tipped his head. "Is he gone? On a mission?"

Sunny shrugged. " _Malla_ futer," she said.

Duncan's heart sank. Oh, how he _wished_ his Violet were here to interpret. "Well, let's go see him," he tried lightheartedly. "Isadora, are you finished?" he called.

"Almost!" Isadora shouted.

"How long does it take to change your clothes?" Duncan asked, puzzled.

"I'm putting makeup on!"

"You look fi–––where'd you get makeup?"

"Found it in the cupboard!"

Duncan paused, wondering how makeup found its way into the cupboard when no one had come to visit them but Sunny. "Well, you look fine. C'mon."

"Just a minute!"

Duncan groaned quietly. He may have been super tight with his sister, but he wanted to leave as much as she did, if not more. He just had more control over his emotions than her. He looked at Sunny apologetically. "Sunny, could you look away for a moment? I'm sorry, but I don't have time to wait."

"'Kay," Sunny said, then covered her eyes and turned around.

Isadora opened the door and gasped, feeling her eyes burn violently. "Gaaah, Duncan! What the heck! I told you just a minute!" she screamed, her face beet red. She never dreamed the first man she'd see naked would be her oldest brother.

"Yeah, I know!" Duncan replied, hurriedly yanking up his underwear. "In woman terms that means another hour!"

"No, it _doesn't_!" Isadora protested hotly.

Duncan ignored her and continued to get dressed. "Okay, you can look now."

"I don't think I _want_ to."

Duncan rolled his eyes and went over to his bed to pick up Sunny. "Just come on," he grumbled, heading for the door. "We're going to see Klaus."

Ears perking up, Isadora immediately uncovered her eyes and followed them to the entrance. They strode out of the infirmary and looked around, marveling at the V.F.D. Headquarters' majesty. They'd been cooped up for so long (and in so much pain) they'd forgotten just how magnificent it really was.

"Wow…" Duncan whispered, an awed grin spreading across his face. He looked at Sunny. "So where _is_ Klaus, Sunny?"

Knowing full well they didn't understand her, Sunny tried a different language, one that _everyone_ knew. She pointed to the left and the Quagmires needed no clarification. They obediently walked in the direction she pointed until their navigator changed their course.

"Don't fall, don't fall, don't fall," a boy about their age prayed as he inched carefully down the hall. Atop the archaic typewriter in his hands was a tall stack of papers swaying back and forth like a tall building in the wind. How he made it this far from the copy room with no error was beyond him.

"Max! Max, I found–––oof!" another boy, this one about thirteen, raced around the corner and slammed into him, the tower of papers now all over the floor along with his typewriter.

"Augh! Kane!" the boy whined, staring down at his broken weapon of choice to take on the world. "That was my _mother's_ typewriter!"

Kane's heart stopped dead in its tracks, his hands slapping over his mouth. "Whoops. Sorry…" he said meekly.

Max sighed mournfully, adjusting his dark, A-shaped hat. "It's fine. Just help me get these to the Vigilant Factfinders Department." The two began to scour about for the facts when Duncan, Isadora, and Sunny rounded the corner.

Hearing their footsteps, Max looked up, his dark gray eyes filled with apology. "So sorry, guys. We'll get out of your way."

"No, it's fine. Let us help you," Duncan said, setting Sunny down, and the three got busy.

"Whew, thanks for your help," Max smiled at them gratefully. "I owe you one." After getting a good look at them, his eyes widened. "Hey, wait a minute. You're the Quagmires!"

Great. They hadn't even been out of the hospital for an _hour_ and they were already being recognized. "We are," Duncan agreed with a polite smile.

"I've been dying to meet you three _forever_ now." Max stuck his hand out with an ecstatic grin. "Max Mallahan, head journalist of the Vigilant Factfinders Department."

"Mallahan…" Duncan's brow furrowed in deep thought. "Why does that name sound so familiar?"

"I attended Prufrock Prepatory School the same year you guys did," Max explained. "I worked on the school paper."

" _That's_ why!" Duncan snapped his fingers. "You were the one who wrote that story on Carmelita Spats, weren't you?"

"What, the one about when her friend stole her boyfriend and the two got into a huge fight in the cafeteria?"

"Yeah, that one!" Duncan grinned. "That was _funny_!"

Max shrugged bashfully. "I'm glad you like it," he said humbly. "Although to be honest, there are _way_ more important things to write about than a petty catfight over such nonsense. The only reason I wrote it was because I _had_ to. I was a newbie at the time, and they always give newbies the dirty work."

"True," Duncan agreed. "But, you made more progress than me. I went out for the school paper and they just beat me up with rolled-up newspapers and called me cakesniffer."

"That was _you_?" Max's jaw dropped. "Oh my God, I was there that day! Unfortunately, they'd hidden my mother's typewriter as a prank and I was too caught up in trying to find it that I didn't even think to defend you. I'm so sorry."

"Oh, it's alright. Didn't really hurt that much anyway," Duncan assured him. "It was just newspapers."

"Still…it _had_ to have hurt. The truth always hurts," Max said, then gave them a sly grin. He was quiet for a moment. "The whole headquarters has been worried about you, and since Tim forbade us from coming in the hospital to talk to you, we had to live in suspense ever since you got here. I'm glad you two are okay. Where's Quigley?"

"Oh, he's…still in the hospital," Duncan said mournfully. " _We_ don't even know how he's doing."

"Oh, wow…things are worse than I thought with him." Max looked off to the side, devastated. "Can you keep me updated when you find out? I want to make sure the story is more than one-hundred percent accurate."

"Oh, will do," Duncan nodded.

"And let me know when you two have some free time. I'd like to interview you," Max smiled at them. "I have to get these back to the Vigilant Factfinders Department. It's kind of urgent."

"Okay. It was nice meeting you, Max," Duncan said.

"Wait, before you go," Isadora cut in, and Max turned around. "We're looking for Klaus. Have you seen him?"

"Klaus? Last I knew he was in the cafeteria eating."

"Thank you! See you later, Max."

"See you, guys." Max strode down the hall with his research, Kane standing there numbly watching her disappear with her brother and Sunny. "Kane, c'mon!"

"…Oh, sorry!" Kane shook his head back into reality and hurried after him.

* * *

/

* * *

The cafeteria was buzzing with excitement when the three walked in and looked around for their target. Wow…and they thought Prufrock Prepatory School's cafeteria was tall and majestic. It looked like Count Olaf's house next to this place. The Quagmires walked up and took a number in the breakfast line.

"Did you eat yet, Sunny?" Duncan asked, looking down at her.

"Yah," Sunny replied, nodding, then pointed off in the distance. "GofindKlaus."

"You're…gonna go find Klaus?" Duncan tried translating.

Sunny nodded and scurried off.

"Okay." Duncan felt his heart swell with pride. _Finally!_ One translation down, a billion more to go. Oh, if only Violet were here to praise his progress. How he missed hearing her angelic voice serenade his ears, subliminally motivating him to be a better man. A sad, quivery sigh slipped his lips. No…life would _never_ be the same without her. He could remember those dreadful violin recitals of Vice Principal Nero's, the only thing keeping him holding on to life (sometimes literally) was her soft warm hand. How she'd roll her eyes every few minutes, clearly unimpressed by the vile man's lack of talent. How those exact eyes would land on his moments later, begging him to end her suffering, when in reality, his begged the same of her, but not just for the recital to end. For her to take him away from _everything_ that had plagued him. The fire…his parents' deaths…the bullying he endured on a daily basis… Being her other half was the antidote to the poison life forced down his throat every day. Finally a good reason to wake up and _want_ to smell the roses.

…And now she was gone.

He cringed, flashbacks of his past torturing him some more. …Why? Why did he hesitate? She was right there, the moment was perfect…why? He could see himself, standing there in the Orphans' Shack shortly before Olaf's arrival at the academy, Violet right in front of him, them talking about… _something_. Her latest invention perhaps? He couldn't remember–––his mind was too preoccupied taking in every inch of her beautiful face. They'd reached a pause in the conversation. She was smiling up at him, staring deep into his eyes, a subtle blush on her face. He was grinning down at her, staring deep into hers, his heart racing faster than he'd ever felt it.

…But he just stood there.

Tears welled up in his eyes. Why was he such a coward? Why wasn't he brave like Quigley and just did something for once, regardless of the consequences? Why was he so pathetic?

"Hey, you okay?" Isadora asked, resting her hand on his shoulder.

"Huh?" Duncan snapped out of his thoughts and looked at her. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine."

Isadora gave him a skeptical smirk.

"What?"

"Don't 'what' me," she told him. "What's wrong?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated. How could he sum up _everything_ running through his mind in a sentence or two? He thought for a minute. "I miss Violet," he whispered finally.

Isadora's heart sank. Now it was her turn to think for a minute. "I do, too," she agreed finally.

After taking a sample of everything the cafeteria had to offer for nourishment, the Quagmires turned and looked for a place to sit, hopefully by Klaus and Sunny. But the place was so packed it made a sardine can look spacious, and soon Duncan began to lose hope of finding him. Isadora, however, was a different story. Like a hawk, she surveyed every face in the cafeteria, refusing to give up the search.

"Found him!" she said after a minute and darted over to a table far across the room.

Sure enough, there was Klaus, sitting all alone at the table reading. Her heart began to pound in her chest, excited to actually hug him without an ounce of pain running through her body. With a giddy grin, she set her tray down next to him and wrapped her arms around him tightly. Startled, Klaus looked at her.

"Isadora!" he grinned, getting up and returning the gesture.

"Hi, Klaus," Isadora managed to choke, trying her best to act normal.

The embrace lasted another moment before the two sat down and looked at each other. "You're finally out! How are you feeling?"

"Much better," Isadora smiled shyly, her face flushing.

"Good. How's Duncan?"

"Right here," Duncan said, sitting down next to his sister. "Still alive and still walking."

"Fantastic! Sunny and I were so worried about you guys. Where's Quigley?"

Duncan and Isadora shared a dismayed glance. "He's…still in the hospital," Isadora explained, trying to overcome the lump in her throat. " _We_ don't even know how he's doing."

Klaus's smile faded. For once in his life, out of all the books he'd read, there were absolutely _no_ words to describe how he felt. "I…I'm so sorry," he said quietly, looking away.

"Quigbelat," Sunny assured from the other side of the table.

"She says don't worry, Quigley will get better," Klaus translated with a smile.

The Quagmires nodded sadly, but were thrilled that they had their translator back.

"Quagmires!"

Everyone looked up to find Fiona walking up to the table with a relieved smile, taking a seat across from Klaus. "Oh, thank God you're okay. They finally let you out?"

"No, they just let us out of our cage for some exercise," Isadora replied, squinting at her sarcastically.

"Yeah, they let us out a bit ago," Duncan said quickly with an amiable smile, then glared at his sister. "Isadora Marie, I'm _not_ going through this again!" he hissed terribly. "Now be nice!"

Fiona smiled at him. "That's good. I was so worried. Where's Quigley?"

"Where _you_ should be," Isadora muttered darkly, picking at her eggs.

"He's still in the hospital," Duncan said. " _We_ don't even know how he's doing."

"Oh no…" Fiona looked at Klaus and he nodded reluctantly, confirming her worst fears. "I'm so sorry, guys. I wish there was something I could do to help."

"You've helped _enough_ ," Isadora snarled under her breath.

Fiona was silent, fishing for ways to keep the conversation going. "So, uh, Isadora. How's your nose? Is it broken?" she asked delicately, apologetically.

"Does it _look_ crooked?" Isadora scoffed.

"I-I'm sorry, I…" Fiona looked down at the table uncomfortably, beginning to fidget with her hands.

Perfect. She was squirming. _Just_ what she wanted. Deep inside, a cruel satisfied grin began to slowly make its way across her face. "No, it's not…because your punches are _weak_!"

Fiona looked up at her, at a crossroads of how to react, Klaus and Sunny holding their breath, and Duncan ready to crawl under the table and hide at the scene his sister was making. Fiona took a deep breath, reminding herself vehemently to take the high road and be the bigger person. "Really, I'm sorry," she protested. "We were _all_ a little crazy in the head that day."

" _You_ were. _I_ wasn't."

"You just got out of The Great Unknown after a year of torture. Don't tell me you came out all fine and dandy like nothing happened."

" _You_ killed Violet. _I_ was trying to protect my friends."

Fiona's heart sank. She couldn't believe Isadora's hostility. When they'd first met, sure, because everybody was having a rough day that day, but three weeks later? Klaus always bragged about how much of a sweetheart she was. Was it all just a lie? Or was there more to this that she didn't see? "Okay, _besides_ Violet and me punching you, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Isadora said innocently. " _Nothing's_ wrong with me." She squinted at her haughtily.

Fiona opened her mouth to speak, but Klaus quickly cut in. "Hey Isadora, did you write any good couplets lately?" he asked, tipping his head curiously.

"Yeah, Isadora, did you?" Duncan added, catching onto Klaus's plan immediately.

"I did, actually," Isadora answered sweetly, taking out her commonplace book. "Here. Take a look." Much to Duncan's surprise, she handed it to Klaus, her heart beating faster. Fantastic. _Finally_ …a moment to prove how better she was at something Fiona wasn't.

Klaus flipped it open to the first page and was greeted by the darkest secret of her heart. Isadora breathed an inside sigh of relief. Thank God it _was_ coded–––she was ready to pass out from so much adrenaline pumping through her veins. And her fainting would be an obvious clue as to who her couplets were about.

Before long, Klaus smiled. He stared at her calligraphic handwriting, his mind beginning to wander. "That's sweet…" he whispered inaudibly after what felt like eternity.

"What's it say?" Fiona asked.

A sparkle in his eyes, he immediately handed Isadora's notebook to her proudly. For a second, Isadora was _beyond_ offended. _No one_ touched her notebook but _her_ , and if she _did_ let someone else touch it, it was an inordinate sign of trust. But when she got to thinking, she smiled smugly. Shoving it in Fiona's face _herself_ would make her look arrogant, which she _wasn't_ , but _Klaus_ handing it to her for her to see was considered friends conversing over an interesting subject, a.k.a., _not_ arrogant. The fact that she got her point across to her without getting her point across to her was perfect. She'd threaded the needle _just right_ this time. And the best part? _Klaus_ didn't even know.

Fiona read Isadora's handiwork, intrigued. "Aww…that's sweet," she cooed, looking up at her with an impressed smile. "Who's the lucky guy?"

"I don't know yet," Isadora lied thoughtfully. "But I'll know him when I see him."

Fiona smiled, then looked back down at Isadora's couplets. "This is _really_ good. You should give this to Max. He publishes a _Vat of Fascinating Discoveries_ section in _Various Facts Daily_. It's an entire section dedicated to poetry."

"Maybe I will," Isadora beamed. The demon was _actually_ kissing her feet. Could this day get any better?

"Here, lemme see," Duncan said eagerly, holding out his hand.

Fiona handed him Isadora's notebook and he devoured the latest masterpiece from his sister's brilliant mind. Suddenly, he cringed. "What's _this_? This isn't your be–––oww!"

"Aww, thanks, Duncan," Isadora said with a sickeningly sweet smile, her eyes narrowing dangerously at him. "I'm glad you like it."

"You're welcome," Duncan managed to choke, cradling his foot. "By the way, that was where I got my stitches."

"What are you talking about?" Isadora asked innocently.

Duncan glared at her.

Just then, a beeping started up from under the table and Fiona pulled a small black device out of her back pocket. "Shoot, I gotta go."

"Where you going?" Klaus asked, watching her get up.

"Gotta go sign up for classes. I forgot all about it," Fiona told him.

"I'll come with you." Klaus immediately bookmarked his page and stood up.

"I thought you already signed up for classes."

"I did. I just…wanna see if they finished my schedule," Klaus said, scratching his head.

Fiona gave him a skeptical crooked smile. "Okay," she said with a shrug. "We'll see you at dinner, guys. Glad you're okay." She smiled over her shoulder at the Quagmires then headed toward the double doors, Klaus hot on her tail.

Speechless, Isadora watched him walk away without so much as a "See you later." But it wasn't this that made her jaw drop in horror. It was the action he did afterward. After holding the door open for her like the gentleman he was, he took Fiona by the hand and they walked out of sight.

Isadora blinked for what felt like forever, her heart shattering. "April…Fool's?" she squeaked finally, tears coming to her eyes.

"No," Sunny grumbled, and for once she needed no translation.


End file.
